A Year Lost
by jsullivan27
Summary: "You are so stubborn sometimes. You wouldn't even chase after Cla—" "Don't say her name. She made her choice!" He exclaimed then sighed. -:- He knocked on the Commander's door and opened it. In the middle of the room a woman in tattered and mud clad clothes, her blonde hair glued grey with the same mud on her clothes. "Clarke?"
1. Chapter 1 Bellamy

Bellamy Blake heard the ruckus on the other side of the Ark. Abby put him in control of guard rotation and they were in the middle of shift change. He made the schedule so if they were being watched, no one would know when the change occurred. But someone did. She would call him a genius.

No, she wouldn't, she would make a backhanded comment about it and he would reply with some snide remark of her not appreciating him and call her _Princess_.

That's what he missed the most about her leaving, how they fed off each other. They argued but they made a great team once they put past their differences. The less he tried to think about her the more he thought about her and he was going crazy.

Bellamy couldn't talk to anyone about it because they all started pairing up and he was alone with Harper and God is she annoying and hung up on Jasper who Bellamy thought was secretly with Monty but then saw him and Maya whose passing changed him. Monty and Miller are together apparently.

Bellamy couldn't talk to Abby because it's her daughter or Kane because he'd tell Abby and he couldn't talk about it to anyone from the drop ship because they think of him as a leader and this is weakness.

He doesn't know what he exactly feels so he doesn't know what to call it.

He heard men running and picking up guns on their way to their posts.

"Bellamy!" He heard behind him, he knew Raven's voice too well. "Are you coming?"

"No, I have something that I—"

"Head of security should be there, Bell."

"Octavia is there. She's my second."

"Someone is at the gate, what if—"

"It's not. She betrayed us." He couldn't say the whole sentence, he couldn't say _Clark_e_ betrayed us._

"She… When are you going to tell us what happened in Mount Weather? You and Monty have been silent. You want to be Kane and Abby someday? You need to trust your people so they can trust you with their lives and families."

"There are things I have to do, Raven. Trust Octavia to get the job done."

"You are so stubborn sometimes. You wouldn't even chase after Cla—"

"Don't say her name. She made her choice!" He exclaimed then sighed. "I'm not worried about what's at the front gate. I'm worried about how we're going to feed people and how I don't repeat the schedule so the watchers don't find a pattern."

"Watchers? You're getting paranoid, Bell."

"Raven, just go," he snapped and she threw up her hands and retreated out to the hall and Bellamy sighed, gripping the table.

He was almost finished with the schedule for the next week when Octavia stormed into the room, "Big brother, you need to come quick."

"What?"

"I don't exactly know, they told me to get you for interrogation."

"Grounder?"

"They wouldn't let Lincoln or I see what it was. They want you."

"Infirmary?"

"Commander's office," she said, knowing that he couldn't hear that name.

"Thanks, O," he said. He kissed her forehead and walked out.

He knocked on the Commander's door and opened it. In the middle of the room a woman in tattered and mud clad clothes, her blonde hair glued grey with the same mud on her clothes.

"Bellamy, thank you for joining us," Kane said unemotionally, Bellamy didn't care enough to figure out why the man hates him. He was standing to the left of Abby's chair where she sat on edge.

"Chancellor," Bellamy nodded, respectively, ignoring the handcuffed body in the middle of the room.

"Escort the prisoner to the holding cell, please. She won't give up any information."

"Yes, ma'am."

"And don't let her coerce you into giving her extra rations, I don't care how malnourished she looks."

"Fine. Anything else?"

"You will be in the interrogation tomorrow after breakfast," Abby said.

He nodded again and grabbed the prisoner's arm, "Get up."

She did as she was told and walked in front of him with her head down. Down the second corridor she spoke, "Don't bruise the princess."

He froze, he'd recognize that voice anywhere, it was the voice he bickered with for hours about what was best for the hundred and plot and strategize how to save the forty eight from Mount Weather. The voice that said _May we meet again_, making him hate goodbyes.

"Bell…"

"Don't call me that!" He spat, he didn't realize how angry he was at her and he hasn't even seen her face.

"You're treating me like the enemy, I've only been gone a few weeks."

"Weeks? It's been a year, _Clarke_," he spat her name, he's so mad he could punch someone, and Murphy is the only one that truly deserves it.

"No, I've been counting the days, it's been thirty… Thirty-six? Se—seven?" she asked and turned to look at him for reassurance. He took half a step back at the sight of her face. She was still gorgeous Clarke but blood covered her entire face, deep cuts that could only have been done out of torture were everywhere. They're going to scar.

There was one in particular that he couldn't stop starting at, it went from her temple, down her cheek and stopped at her chin. It was still bleeding, dripping down her neck to her chest and pooled into her green shirt, turning it a weird shade of brown.

"What was the last thing you remember?" Bellamy asked, half skeptical of her lack of memory.

"Walking north. I reached a—a lake about two weeks in and I was going to build a raft to get to the other side. I just gathered enough wood and that's it. I woke up here."

"They could have done anything to you."

"You think Grounders did this? You think they're smart enough?"

"Lexa is," he said and Clarke shifted at the grounder leader's name. "She screwed us over before, I wouldn't put it past her."

"She wouldn't do that to me."

"She's already betrayed you, do you truly think that she had real feelings for you? Everything she did, everything she said was a lie. Remind you of anyone?" He didn't mean to add that part in but the girl in front of him isn't the girl that left, this girl doesn't know how to bicker.

They get to the holding cells and he put her in one, slamming the door behind him. He turned to walk away when she said his name and he turned back.

"How's Jasper?" she asked, seeming truly concerned.

"Worse than Octavia under Indra."

"I did that."

"_We_ did that. I stand by what I said, we did it together, it's not just on you," he said and walked away, touching his cheek where he felt the burn of her lips when she kissed him on the cheek, saying goodbye.

Bellamy couldn't think about the princess's return now, he couldn't look at her without wanting to kiss her wounds away. He couldn't look into her eyes without not seeing her. She's not the same person that left, he knew it but doesn't think that she does.

He walked back to the Chancellor's office and walked in seeing Octavia in the chair across from Abby.

"Now we can get started," Abby said turning to Bellamy. "What did she say to you?"

"She thinks it's been a month since Mount Weather."

"Who?" Octavia asked.

"Blake—" Kane warned.

"She's not a gossip, General. She's a warrior, you should know that by now," Abby told him then turned to Octavia. "Clarke is back."

"What? That's what you guys were hiding! _Princess,_" she spat.

Bellamy glared at his sister.

"What? You can give her the nickname but no one else can use it?"

"Why is she princess?" Abby asked.

"She had everything, O and I had nothing."

"And now you're the leader of the hundred, you think we don't see the line drawn in the sand?"

"We haven't left! If we did, their families would come too, dwindling your numbers. So would you rather us go and leave you defenseless? Or stay and help fight the inevitable battle."

"So Bellamy Blake, if you're the true leader of these people, what would you do about Clarke?"

"I'm not a leader without Clarke keeping me in line so I don't overdo it. She and I lead together, feeding off each other and without her they turn to me, so I'd do what the people would want. She's the one that amends it to be morally just."

"So you're not a leader."

"Not without Clarke," Bellamy corrected her.

"So then what do we do about her?"

"I want to trust her but she's missing the last year in her head, she doesn't remember a thing. It worries me. I don't know what she's seen or been through so I can't assume she won't kill us while we sleep. This could be a Grounder attack or worse. Or she could be playing us, pretending she doesn't remember because she doesn't want to remember."

"Thank you for your speculations, you're both dismissed."

Bellamy sighed and walked out of the office with Octavia on his heels.

"Bell… Bell!" She grabbed his arm and yanked at him. When did she become stronger than him? "It's Clarke…"

He grimaced, his sister is the past person he wants to talk to about Clarke. Not because of how he could possibly feel but because she's like him, all action and remorse, no thinking. That's what he needs, to think.

"Yeah, it is. But don't expect to get to see her. We don't know what she's been through."

"The Grounders have Mount Weather, they're capable of anything."

"Don't you think it's weird that they haven't tried attacking us? Why do you think I change the shifts around and give it to the guards at the end of their shifts? I don't trust anyone."

"Except me."

"Debatable, you were under Indra's spell for a while."

"Then she betrayed Lincoln and I. I'm itching to kill her."

"Maybe we should do a covert op. Are you and Lincoln available to infiltrate their camp?"

"You're asking me to play nice with Indra?"

"You can bring Jasper."

"You just don't want him around because of Clarke."

"You turned him into a weapon, don't put it on me, okay?"

"It's on you and Clarke." She stopped and looked at him, "Jesus, Bell, why didn't I see it before?"

"What?"

"You're in love with her."

"What? Clarke? You're out of your mind."

"Defensive."

"Look, O, I will admit to missing her this past year but that's it."

"You miss having someone to argue with and exchange ideas? You'll let her into your brain but not your heart? I know you, Bell, being in your head is scarier than being in your heart."

"Is she afraid of me?"

"I think she's right where you are, or she was before Lexa," Octavia said, clearly knowing more than he does but he couldn't push the subject, not right now.

"Lexa forced her to kill Finn."

"No, she gave him a mercy death, what Lexa was going to do with him was much worse."

"Because she loved him," Bellamy said, somberly.

"It's been a year, Bell. What if she's over it?"

"It's been barely a month to her. She doesn't remember."

"If I talk to her…"

"No one is going near the holding cell. I will guard it myself if I have to."

"And what if you can't control yourself? What if you talk to her again, against the chancellor's demand?"

"Then I'll have Lincoln with me, he's impartial towards her."

"Barely, Grounders don't take lightly to people abandoning their own."

"She—we—killed two hundred people so the forty eight of our people—_kids_—would be freed, it doesn't matter that they forgive us if we don't forgive ourselves."

"She taught you that the day she left, I know that. So does she?"

"How can she forgive herself if she doesn't remember the past year, O?"

"I don't know, Bell, how do you forgive yourself?"

"You're not yourself when you're fighting for your life or something you believe in, you will do anything. That person who I become during that time, that's who I forgive because I know that it's not truly me."

"That's morbid. So who do you become?"

"A ruthless leader and that's not exactly what's needed. A fair, righteous one is what these people need. Princess and I balance each other out creating a fair and righteous leadership."

"That's the first time you've called her princess since she's gotten back."

"She doesn't exactly deserve it anymore, but we both know Abby is going to welcome her back with open arms regardless of what she says tomorrow."

"Or she's going to keep her away from everyone because Jasper will kill her."

"Jasper couldn't hurt a fly. Besides, if he wants to be a real warrior, he needs to obey his leaders and not let his emotions cloud him."

"He will never follow her rule again. It's her fault that Maya's dead."

"You can't blame her, my hand was on the lever too."

"Yeah, but you're my brother."

"And according to you, I'm in love with her, which should give you the incentive to forgive her like I have."

"Jeez, brother, you're in deep," she started backing away. "Get out before she sinks you and plays you a fool." She turned and walked down the short hallway to the rest of Camp Jaha.

"I'm not trusting her, not yet. Not until she's cleared, I'm not an idiot, O," Bellamy called after his sister. They're more alike than he realized and he didn't like that they were both right. And that she hit the nail on the head about his feelings.


	2. Chapter 2 Clarke

**Notes:**

EmLouD: thanks, worked really hard on it, I hope you like Chapter Two!

Guest: emojis!

Sydcasy: if I knew someone who killed a bunch of people to save me then ran off and came back a year later only to remember a little over a month of being gone, would you trust them? Also putting into effect that they don't know what their enemies (Grounders) could do with the technology from Mount Weather now that they've gained control… Did I divulge that yet?

Guest: there's another one of you! Octavia trained under Indra who then betrayed her and Lincoln and left them in the tunnels. Having your mentor verbally, emotionally, and or physically write you off as replaceable, makes you feel like you have something to prove so yes, Octavia is stronger than Bellamy in some ways. Ways that were shown in Chapter One but remember, Bellamy is still the ruthless leader who needs to be kept in his place and he knows Clarke is the only one capable of doing it.

Thanks for the follows and favorites! Happy reading! :)

The next day, Clarke woke up to Bellamy placing a tray on the floor next to a cleaner change of clothes.

"Bellamy…"

"Whatever you say right now will be repeated in your interrogation," he said, colder than yesterday. Something happened last night, he hasn't acted like this towards her since… Well, since he was torturing Lincoln.

"I'm still me."

"I hope that's true, Princess," he said and walked out, closing the door behind him and stood back at attention at the door.

For the next hour she kept trying to remember what happened the past year. What could have happened and kept drawing a blank. She couldn't even concoct a mediocre lie saying she was a hostage because they'd probably think that she's a spy for the Grounders. The last memory she has of any Grounders was when Lexa, beautiful Lexa, betrayed her and their truce.

After eating and changing, Bellamy dragged her to the interrogation room down the hall. It was the same room that she tortured Emerson in. She couldn't help but grimace at the memory.

The loyal Mountain Man, they couldn't break him for anything. But he was a good little intelligence official and informed Cage of their goings on just as she planned.

Bellamy stood against the wall as Abby and Kane were sitting opposite Clarke in the interrogation room. They were asking her questions and she kept saying she doesn't remember. She thought it has only been five weeks, she went north and saw the lake and that was it. She doesn't know anything else.

After a few hours of that Kane said she needs to stay in lockup until she remembers, but Abby disagreed just as they suspected she would. They turned to Bellamy for his input and his eyes locked with Clarke's as he said, "I'm not impartial, you know what I'd choose."

"Bellamy, I'm a threat, we all know it, do the right thing here."

"Let her go, we can keep watch on her in Medical."

"You're an idiot," she murmured.

"Would you rather stay in solitary confinement, bored out of your mind?"

"You'd bring me charcoals, right?"

"I don't even know what that is."

"It's for drawing. Black and white."

"You're going to Medical and you're not going to kill anybody or run off. I will escort you to your cell at sundown and if you try to pull anything on us, we'll banish you."

"Murphy's Law, thanks for the mercy. Are you getting soft on us, Bell?" Clarke teased and she watched his Adam's apple jump when he swallowed. "Mom, do you agree? Murphy's Law if I step out of line?"

"That's going easy on you, just wait until Jasper sees you," her mother said and she didn't know if her mother was being sympathetic or helpful with the warning.

"Fine, can I at least get cleaned up first? I feel like I haven't bathed in a year."

"Bellamy, please escort her to the stream, bring Miller with you."

Bellamy stepped away from the wall and unbound Clarke's wrists and she stood, looking at him. She didn't notice until then that he wore a white shirt, she's never seen him in white. She likes it.

After finding Miller—it wasn't that hard, Bellamy apparently made the guard schedule—they left the camp and went to the stream a few kilometers south.

Clarke asked them to turn around while she stripped out of her semi clean clothes and dove into the shallow water. The clear water clouded grey from all the mud and clay she didn't remember accumulating.

"You still there, Princess?" Bellamy asked after a few moments.

She smiled, missing the very rare, playful moments he had and had to make another so she pulled her arm back and made a huge splash in the water, drenching his back. She giggled as he spun around with the angriest expression she's seen.

"I'm going to get you for that, Princess," he scowled, taking swift steps into the water.

When he reached her, the water was halfway up his calves and she stood, fearlessly looking him directly in the eyes. She was surprised by how dark his eyes actually were, but she also noticed that he wasn't angry with her at all, he was amused and couldn't show it for some reason.

He dropped her gaze and looked behind him, back at Miller and she understood. He was working. "Sorry," she mumbled.

"Don't be, I got a great view."

She squirmed and looked over his shoulder at Miller who was now watching them and she was glad Bellamy was in the way so Miller couldn't see her.

"He's gay. He and Monty…"

"Oh, still."

"A few more minutes and then we'll head back."

"Sounds good," she said and dropped down so her body would be covered by the cloudy water when he wouldn't be shielding her body from their gay companion.

After she was dressed a few minutes later, Miller was walking ahead of them and Bellamy walked next to Clarke.

"Do you remember when you brought that girl from the factory station?" She asked, quiet enough so only he heard her.

"Mel, yeah."

"Do you ever—"

"Too preoccupied, my best friend kind of left just as the dust was settling and I had to step up, Byrne got sick and Chancellor gave me her position, I didn't know she was a rigid bitch because of her duties."

"You tortured soul," Clarke smirked, stepping over a large tree trunk that fell at some point before they arrived.

"You seriously don't remember?"

"I would have told you if I did. You know, I'm just as skeptical and scared as you. Maybe more so."

"Come to me when you remember something, okay? Straight to me."

"And if I'm locked away in my room all night?"

"I trust that you'll get to me."

"Bellamy, I don't trust myself."

"I'll trust you for the both of us."

"I'm serious, Bell, I don't know what happened out there and I'm afraid to know the answer."

He sighed, "I'm not going to tell you what to do, Clarke, I know better than that. I just think that you should do your time at Medical and wade it out. And always come to me when you remember something."

She nodded as they walked through the open gate and people were staring. By the Ark she saw Lincoln holding Jasper back and he was trying to fight him off.

She peeled herself away from Bellamy who was leading her over to Medical and headed over to Jasper.

"Lincoln, let him go," she said.

"Clarke…"

"I said let him go."

Lincoln, defeated, sighed and let Jasper free and Jasper was a blur before he hit the ground. Clarke looked to her left to see who did it and Bellamy was standing there nonchalantly.

"I don't need you to defend me."

"He would hurt himself more than he'd hurt you."

"And he'd have learned that!" Clarke turned to Jasper and grimaced, "I'm truly sorry about Maya."

Jasper stood with his fists clenched, "You're not even going to try and make an excuse for what you did?"

"There isn't an excuse."

"Jasper, do you hate me?" Bellamy asked.

"Bell," Clarke warned as Jasper said no.

"We all know you don't hate Monty, when he's not with Miller—even when he is—he's with you. So how could you hate Clarke if my hand was on that lever and Monty wrote the code?"

"I—"

"You can't."

"But hey, you want someone to hit?" Clarke said. "I've probably looked worse."

"No, I was mad at them for a long time. I'm mad at you because you left and I repressed my anger towards you. It's not fair that I hit you when I didn't hit them. Welcome back, Clarke."

She smiled weakly, she couldn't deny that she missed her friends but she left to give them time and so she can forgive herself for all she's done to protect them. She still hasn't forgiven herself but maybe she needs the people she cares about around her to help her forgive. "It's good to be back."

"Raven and Wick are asking for you," Octavia said, cutting in.

"She has to go to Medical. It's her assignment," Bellamy said to his sister and Clarke knew there was some sibling thing going on with how they were looking at each other.

"I'm sure they can manage a few more minutes without me," Clarke said to Bellamy, knowing her disobedience is annoying him, and followed Octavia.

"You're torturing him," Octavia smirked.

"He makes it too easy sometimes. Today especially."

"Do I want to know what happened outside the gate?"

"Well, he and Miller had loads of fun and forced me to watch. It was so strange," Clarke started laughing, she couldn't take the image of those two together seriously, it was a fantastic joke.

"That's severely disturbing, why would you want to imagine my brother with another guy?"

"Jeez, O, I don't. I just wanted a good laugh, I feel like it's been forever since I laughed."

"Finn," she remembered.

"He had a way of making everything lighter," Clarke reminisced, missing her first love but not truly regretting her decision, she saved him a lot of unnecessary pain.

"Are you okay now?"

"No, there's a lot missing and I don't—" the wind was knocked out of her when someone slammed into her and arms wrapped around her. "I have missed you!"

Clarke scoffed, "Hi, Raven."

"Hi? Clarke, we are past hello!" She exclaimed pulling away. Wick was standing a few yards behind, looking more worried than just a boyfriend should. "What the hell happened to you?"

"Hey, Wick, can you explain to the rocket scientist what amnesia is?"

"Wait?" Raven started. "You seriously don't remember! I thought that was just a cover so your mom doesn't worry."

"She's worrying and so am I. I don't think that I just fell and hit my head suddenly, I think I'd remember that aside from knowing the woods all to well from all the treks last year, I wouldn't have been so careless about the terrain."

"Okay, Raven, you can talk with her at dinner, she has to get to Medical," Bellamy said and Clarke spun around and he was standing right there, like a protector she didn't need or want.

Clarke turned back to Raven and Wick and smiled weakly as to say good bye and walked with Bellamy towards Medical.

"You do realize that you're treating me as you treated Octavia."

"She has Lincoln, it's inappropriate for me to stay with her."

"I'm not your sister, Bell."

"Thank God for that," he said dryly, leading her to Medical.


	3. Chapter 3 Octavia

**Author's Note: It's been a while since I've posted and I am so sorry, sometimes life pulls you away from what you love and sometimes when you do get a free minute, you have writer's block or you write a line and fall asleep or you write a line and hate it. So this is a quick little flehh... ID, im not good writing as myself. Please welcome Octavia...**

OCTAVIA:

Watching Clarke and Bellamy together again was a good sight but the way they were acting wasn't and Octavia was getting annoyed. Bellamy turned into a teenage girl and Clarke doesn't even trust herself. They're being children, especially around each other.

Lincoln sat next to Octavia at dinner and she was watching them. "You're lucky you don't have lasers for eyes, they'd both be dead."

"Is it that obvious?" she asked annoyed, looking down at her plate full of food.

"Unquestionably."

Octavia scowled, pulling apart the venison that sat in front of her. She still didn't trust deer meat since their first few days on Earth. The meat was paired with cooked vegetables and some sauce they kept telling her was gravy. Lincoln's was mostly gone but she can barely eat.

"Jasper is getting reckless," he said, doing anything to keep her out of her head.

"He's still upset about Clarke and Maya. I'd be the same if it were you."

"And I you. Do you think that's where Bellamy and Clarke are at?"

"I don't think they're aware, but yeah. I also think he's so used to taking care of me that now that I don't need him, he needs to take care of someone else, Clarke."

"Are you jealous?"

"No! I just want him to be happy and he thinks protecting someone who doesn't need protection is happiness."

"I protect you," he reminded her.

"And I you, its mutual. For Clarke it's not just Bellamy, it's everyone, all of us. It's different."

"Only because you say it is. He protected you then it grew to the hundred and now that they're all safe and we don't know what's happened the past year with Clarke, can't it go to her? And for her it was her dad then the hundred and Finn and the Grounders that betrayed her what if she doesn't remember because she's protecting him?"

Octavia shook her head, "They're both acting like idiots."

"They're intelligent people who don't know what to do or they could think that we all don't want to see the King and Princess together."

Octavia contemplated everything Lincoln has said and she still couldn't see past the fact that Clarke knew they were all there when the missile was dropped on TonDC without warning everybody and how she followed Lexa blindly just to be thrown aside when Mount Weather cut them a deal. But frankly, she couldn't deal with all the betrayal the blonde threw at them all just to have Bell forgive her. The _princess._

"Don't let him hear you call her that," she finally said.

Lincoln rolled his eyes as Jasper sat across from Octavia. "What's going on?"

"Clarke and Bellamy are idiots," O said, moving the meat around her plate.

"You don't eat venison, why is it here?" Jasper asked.

"That's all they had."

Jasper shrugged. "Letting Clarke back into camp at all is idiotic."

"Jas…"

"I'm just speaking my mind, no harm in that, right?"

"Thanks, Jasper," Clarke said behind them. "By the way, I agree with you but I'm here and practically a prisoner."

"You get a holding cell with a mattress and blanket, most of us just get tents."

"I didn't choose it, if it were up to me I'd be out here and let three people in tents use the gigantic cell they've given me."

"Clarke?" Bellamy called from another table and Octavia noticed Raven and Wick watching nervously, probably hoping there wouldn't be a fight. Wusses.

"I'll see you in medical when you inevitably get hurt in training to become something you're not," she said to him before heading to the holding cell and away from Bellamy. Octavia couldn't help but see his face fall as he watched her walk away.

"She's impossible!" Jasper exclaimed.

"Shut up, Jasper. You deserved that."

After breakfast the next morning, Octavia found Bellamy in the training area they set up under a big tree. He was punching a giant bag they haphazardly set up and hung from one of the tree's branches.

"Bell?"

"What?" he groaned, throwing another punch.

Octavia grimaced, her return has made him worse. "Recruits are coming in an hour, are we going to have them spar with you?"

"You, me, Lincoln, and Miller."

"Miller is with the kids today, teaching them how to start a fire."

He stepped away from the punching bag and hunched over, holding onto his knees for support. "I talked to Abby about a science program weeks ago and haven't heard anything about it since."

"Clarke?" she scoffed. "How'd I know this conversation would wind up being about her?"

"Octavia…"

"No, Bell, she's all you talk about!"

"That's crap, I was talking about a science program for the kids. It can't all be history, hunting, gathering, measuring, and whatever the hell else we teach them. What if some of them want to be doctors and we're not even giving them a chance to try it out."

"Then take them to Medical! I'm sure they'll have a blast getting sick!"

"Don't. Don't do this with me, O. I'm just tossing out some ideas, you don't have to be rude about it."

"You have to understand, Bell, that since she's got here it's been like she's all you think about."

"That's not it at all and if that's what everyone thinks then they're the ones with the problem," he huffed and walked towards his tent.

"You're mad at me now?" Octavia called after him, wanting to chase after but knowing it would make it all worse.

"No, Octavia, I'm disappointed."

"Disappointed? Disappointed!" Octavia spat, pacing the tree line. Lincoln and Jasper stood watching her rant. "HE is disappointed in me! Is he serious? How could he be mad at me? I'm not the one who let Mount Weather bomb TonDC with half of us there, I'm not the one who abandoned our people there while escaping with Lexa! I'm not the one who sent him into Mount Weather to be killed."

"Octavia," Lincoln warned.

"What? What could you possibly say to make it all better?"

"I love you?"

"That doesn't fix Bellamy."

Jasper scoffed, "He tells you that he loves you and you keep going on about Bellamy? I'm currently glad I'm single, I really wouldn't want that to happen."

"Thanks, Jasper," Lincoln grimaced. "Octavia, come on, we have training."

"I'm too angry to spar with children."

"So don't, just stand there and yell at them. Let them know what they're doing wrong."

"Who do you think I am where I'll just stand there, criticizing them?"

"Like what you're doing to Clarke and Bellamy?" Jasper asked.

"Watch it, Jas, you still have a lot to learn."

"I'm not angry anymore, O. Yeah, I miss Maya, she gave me the time of day but I'm not doing what I should be doing which is helping Monty with the shine and some electrical. So, I'll see you later, hopefully when you're less angry."

Jasper stood and walked back towards the Ark to find Monty.

A few hours later, Octavia walked into medical and sat on an empty cot awaiting a doctor to help with the gash in her arm that the nitwit, Charlie put in her arm while sword sparing with Bellamy. "Octavia? What happened? Who attacked you?" Clarke asked coming to her aid.

"This Arker kid, Charlie, he's a recruit for the guard, we're training them."

Clarke pulled apiece of gauze out of her tool kit and whipped the blood from her arm. "We?"

"Bell, Lincoln, Miller, Jasper just quit this morning."

"Ah, I should have known," she poured alcohol over the wound and Octavia groaned in pain.

"Maybe a warning next time? What happened to your bedside manor?''

"What happened to liking me?"

"Thought I got a free pass due to you hating yourself and all."

"I didn't want you to die, that wasn't the intention. But whoever did this, they're gunning for you."

Octavia scowled and pointed at the needle and thread.

"Right," Clarke grimaced, knowing that trying to make Octavia laugh probably wasn't the best way to get back on her good side. So she picked up the needle and stitched the wound shut. "Come back in a week and I'll take them out."

"Yeah, I will," Octavia grumbled and walked out of Medical and into Bellamy. She scoffed, "I should have known, the second you're done with training you're coming to her."

"Actually, my sister was just attacked by a sword and I was worried about her."

"She's fine by the way, I didn't kill her. She tried to make a joke about Charlie but it wasn't funny."

"I came to ask about you, not Clarke."

"Right, well, I'm still pissed at you."

Bellamy scoffed, "For what?"

"'Disappointed'?"

"You've been incredibly rude to everyone since she's returned and none of us has done anything to deserve it or even crossed you, and we've wanted to. And if I've acted like this at all the past year then I'm sorry, but don't take your anger out on all of us because of the one person who we all need here."

"You need her, we don't. We've been fine here, and how can we trust her if she's missing most of the year?"

"Yes, Bellamy, what makes you trust me? A year is a long time, too long I'd say," Octavia heard Clarke behind her and turned around with a tight smile on her face.

"Well, I'm just going to get out of your way and get some lunch, you two… nope." Octavia walked away towards the tables on the opposite side of the camp.


	4. Chapter 4 Bellamy

Bellamy went to his tent to grab a cleaner shirt than the one he slept and sweated in on guard duty last night and saw Miller walking Clarke to breakfast.

"Miller, training?" he called over.

He saw his friend say something to Clarke and she shook her head with a weak smile and she headed over with Nathan on her tail.

"You know I hate having an escort," she grimaced.

Bellamy smirked. "You're just upset that he can't be manipulated by those," he took a quick glance down at her cleavage which was more apparent than usual.

"How little you think of me. This is Harper's shirt, she's not so…"

"I know."

Clarke raised an eyebrow, "Do you?"

"You do realize everyone else has partnered up, right? It's me, Jasper and Harper; and Jasper is still hung up on Maya."

"So you and Harper?" she asked warily.

"That will never happen."

"She might be open to necrophilia for you," she smirked.

"And now I remember why I disliked you," he grimaced.

Clarke glared at him, truly amused then something in her eyes changed, they were darker, like she craved something, vindication. "Fight me."

"No, Princess, you're not on my level."

She grimaced and sighed, "What if I give you a reason?"

"What reason could you possibly give me?" he asked, putting his hands on his hips, trying to look bigger.

She tilted her head, "There's more to me than meets the eye."

Bellamy's jaw clenched, he knew that. He also knew that she was trying to tease him, there's definitely something up with her and he has to keep a closer eye on her. The science program would give him an excuse to visit Medical more often and he wouldn't be left alone with her. Would she risk this in front of children?

He heard someone clear their throat behind her and he saw Miller standing there. Clearly she would risk it whether they were alone or not.

"Get to breakfast," he said sternly, before heading off towards the smell of food himself.

An hour later Bellamy and Miller were in the middle of sparring for the crowd of recruits. The score was five to two, Bellamy, and Octavia was standing on the side line unimpressed, she's seen worse training under Indra, probably why she's in charge of training, with Lincoln. She's even forced the guards to train for three hours before their shifts to keep them in shape.

"What, O, think you can take me?" he challenged.

"Physically? Mentally? No. Strategically? Hell yes. In all seven rounds I could have taken both of you at least five steps sooner."

"Do you think you can handle both of us or just one," he challenged.

"Both."

The crowd _oohed _and Bellamy smirked, he can't beat up his sister but he knew she could totally kick his ass strategically and he hated to admit it.

"Miller, I got this, you can keep your face pretty for Monty."

"Screw that, he'd applaud me if I do this," he smirked and Bellamy knew he didn't really mean "applaud".

Then Octavia stepped in the makeshift ring and cracked her neck, "Boys ready?"

"Bring it on, sis."

A half hour later Bellamy and Miller were leaning against each other, trying to stay up. "I warned you, strategy man. Do you ever wonder why Lincoln and I don't fight? It's because we both have strategy. _That_ is what we need to be teaching them."

"So, then you two continue, and while we try to recuperate, I'm going to write the next schedule. Nathan, you…"

"Monty and Clarke, I know," he groaned.

"Alright," Bellamy stated sternly. "Everyone back to work, just because I'm not here doesn't mean I don't want to see improvement when I get back," Bellamy exclaimed and turned back towards camp and walked into his office on the Ark.

"How's being the boss?" he heard from the door behind him hours later.

"Sometimes I wish I wasn't. It's harder than it looks."

He heard soft footfalls behind him that suddenly came to a halt behind him. He felt her breath over his shoulder. "Try Nathan here. James here and Michaelson here," she pointed to different places on the schedule that actually made sense.

"And this is why I need you," Bellamy confessed.

"Bellamy, you told me to come to you when I remembered something."

"Do you remember?"

"I remember missing you," she said frankly before covering with; "And the rest of the forty seven."

"And we missed you."

"Bell, this is driving me crazy. Why can't I remember?"

He dropped his pen on the desk and turned to her, she was completely vulnerable, a way he's never seen her before, it took him by surprise. "A lot of things could have happened to you out there, I don't want to guess one thing and have it be something else but I do remember Lincoln talking about this herb that causes amnesia a few months ago. It's a possibility."

Clarke nodded her head slowly, "It couldn't have been Lexa, and she wouldn't do this to me."

"Clarke, she abandoned us. We had a truce and the second Cage promised not to touch her people, she was gone. Maybe she coerced you into believing that she cared for you but it was only to keep you around out of convenience."

She scoffed in disbelief, "Is that what I'm here for? Your convenience?"

"No, Clarke. These people, their families, want someone who's there for them." He stood and leaned back against his desk with his arms crossed over his chest, "Looking out for what is best for them, not someone who was born and raised to be a councilmember since conception."

"Like me? My mother is chancellor, Bellamy, I was born to be a leader whether I wanted to be or not. They're the cards I was dealt."

"True, but they also like the idea of the two of us working and leading together."

"Because a leader with a year missing from her life is what they need," she grimaced skeptically.

"You'll get it back, I have no doubt about that," he said reaching out and holding her hand.

"I should get to my cell," she whispered, pulling away from his touch.

"Did you have a nightmare last night?"

"More like every night, I haven't really slept since being back."

Bellamy thought for a moment, before offering something Octavia wouldn't approve of but he would like. "Would you rather stay with me? It's friendlier than a cold, hard holding cell."

"I don't think my mother would approve."

"What if I have two guards standing outside, then they can report back to her that I'm not a bad influence and that you didn't attempt to escape."

"I think she'd approve if I were with Raven. It's not you, Bell, she just doesn't know about Finn."

"So you two did…" his face sunk in realization, he shouldn't care this much.

"Before I knew about Raven, yes."

"You have to forgive him for that though, he didn't expect to ever see her again."

"I know, I did. So did she, besides we aren't the ones who lied so we didn't exactly hate each other until I killed him."

"You saved him, she knows that, she's forgiven you. But you can't bunk with her, she's sharing a tent with Wick."

"Right, I forgot. I don't think my mom will trust me with you. You have a womanizing demeanor," she stifled a laugh, he hated how she thought it was so funny.

"I used to, it's been a while, Clarke. Before you were captured by Mount Weather."

"Anyway, I had an idea about triggering my memory."

"Really? What's this idea?"

"I—we go up to the lake that I found."

"That's a three week trek, Clarke, I can't be gone that long. I'm a council member."

"You know my mom won't even consider it unless you're going with me. I've heard people talking about how you were when I was gone. The first few months you wouldn't leave the front gate, then you started making these schedules, which are ingenious, and you busied yourself between those two and training the recruits with Lincoln and Octavia. You stayed busy so you wouldn't have to worry about the danger that I could have possibly and probably been in."

"Clarke, I was worried about you. Every night that I slept, the few of them there were, I always dreamt about you dying alone and we never found you. They nearly drove me crazy. I sent Miller and Monroe out looking for you at least a half dozen times before they told me no. Clarke, I alienated them all away, because I was so concerned about you."

"So then wouldn't they want to help us find out what happened to me the last year?"

"We can talk to your mother and Kane tomorrow, tonight we're going to sleep."

"Okay," she grimaced. She hates the holding cell.

"I'll walk you down to your…"

"I want to stay with you."

Bellamy refrained from smiling, "I'll ask Miller to strand guard."

"Miller needs sleep, Bell, can't you ask someone else?"

"He's the only guard loyal to me and not your mother."

"I'm with a council member, how much trouble could I get into?"

"I'm a bad influence," he smiled like it was a funny sentiment, like it's a new concept.

"Influence me," she said with a straight face but he felt the dirty undertone and needed to put an end to it. No matter how much he didn't want to.

"Come on, I'll take you to my tent," he said sternly, where the hell did his confessions come from earlier? He practically professed his love for her. Who has he become?


	5. Chapter 5 Clarke

**Hey, I'm just so excited about Season 3 coming back! And I've been having a lot of ****ideas going through my head and I can't write these chapters quick enough. I know that I mostly write dialogue but I'm very into screenwriting and I'm better at it so I try my hardest to incorporate as many details as I possibly can but I would still love for you guys to write reviews or guess what's going on with Clarke because I am just so freaking excited and anxious about these next few chapters. Okay, gah! I have to get to work :(**

**PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE REVIEW!**

**Kisses, JSul**

* * *

When Clarke woke up the next morning she was freezing, she rolled over and saw Bellamy curled upon the opposite side of the tiny tent, hogging all the blankets. She desperately wanted more sleep, it's the first night she's slept without waking from a nightmare and craved more, so she snuck in behind Bellamy and under the warm blanket.

She was instantly warmer but she still couldn't feel her fingers and accidentally brushed them across Bellamy's back. He hissed quietly and rolled over, wrapping his arms around her, capturing her arms between them, against his bare chest and their faces inches from each other, instantly waking Clarke fully.

She was trapped but never felt safer, even when she was with Finn, she has never felt as safe as she does in this moment.

She watched Bellamy sleep peacefully, slowly counting the freckles that dusted across his cheeks and nose, not realizing that he woke up at some point and watched her counting.

"Morning," he smirked.

Clarke gasped, "Morning."

"What were you doing?" he asked bemused.

"Thinking," she lied.

"About my adorable freckles?" he joked with a sly smile.

"Shut up," she grimaced, pushing against his chest, only to have him hold her tighter.

"Oh, come on, Princess, can't you take a joke?"

"Only when they're funny."

"Sassy," he groaned and Clarke felt the bulge in his pants.

"We should… we should get up, talk to my mother about going to the lake," she said to his chin.

Bellamy sighed, releasing her from his grasp, "I told you it's been a while, he kind of has a mind of his own."

Clarke sat up and pushed herself away, searching for where she left

"No, it's… The sooner we talk to her, the sooner we can leave and be back before the first snow fall."

"That's a good point, but we need to eat first."

An hour later they were sitting across from her mother and Kane and they just told them their plans of going to the lake and they had horrified looks on their faces.

"No," Kane said sternly, knowing Abby was in shock, intensely watching her daughter.

"Kane, I will personally escort her and keep my eyes on her the whole time. I'll bring Miller and whichever guards you want, but she needs this," Bellamy enforced.

"What if she tries to escape?" Kane asked as though Clarke weren't there.

"I won't, I respect Bellamy too much to make him chase after me." Bellamy looked over at her slightly bewildered, hoping she had no idea how much he truly wanted her. She crinkled her eyebrows at him.

"You, Miller, Lincoln, Michelson, and Becker," Abby said. "You can leave tomorrow. Tonight Clarke and I are having dinner."

"I have to say goodbye to my friends, Mom."

"You can see them at lunch today and breakfast tomorrow."

"Come on, Mom, I know I'm a prisoner here but seriously? You're keeping me out of the mess hall."

"And Bellamy's tent." The both of them looked down at the table. "Do either of you have an explanation for why Clarke was in your tent, Bellamy?"

"She—"

"I don't trust my guards except for Bellamy and Miller, they don't look at me like I'm broken regardless of whether I agree with their decision or not, I appreciate it. It makes me feel like nothing is wrong with me."

"There's nothing wrong with you, Clarke. You're just missing time."

"That in itself is wrong. Anything could have happened to me, I could have done anything," she whispered the last part. She didn't even think about it until that very moment. She didn't even realize that Bellamy's hand was holding hers for a few moments before she pulled away from the table. "I need to go to Medical."

She stormed out of the room and out of the Ark to the opposite end of it to the medical bay where her arm was grabbed and she spun around trying to escape the grasp and found Bellamy with a soft face. "What happened in there, Princess?"

"I could have killed people, more innocent people, I… who am I, Bellamy?" her voice shook and she could barely recognize her own voice.

"Shh," he hushed her, pulling her to his chest. "You're our princess," he whispered into her hair.

"I'm the farthest thing from a princess, Bell. I've killed people."

"We killed the people in Mount Weather, it was both of us. Together."

"Why are you always so good to me? You never let me take full responsibility."

"Protecting these people, any group of people, should be run by more than one person. We balance each other out. We both have the blame."

"I killed Finn and Atom."

She felt the tears escape down her cheeks onto his shirt and tried to pull away but he held her to him and let her cry.

"You saved them from a worse death, you saved them from hours of agony. You saved them, Clarke."

"Why do you keep trying to save me?"

"Because you're worth saving, our people need you. I need you."

"Bellamy," she sighed.

"Go," he said releasing his tight grip on her. "I'll see you at the front gate in the morning."

She grimaced, knowing better than to stick around trying to have him talk about what he meant about needing her. She walked into the medical bay and Jackson stared at her. "Don't worry, I'm leaving tomorrow."

"Are you okay?"

"I'm leaving, Jackson, I'm getting what I want, I'm happy," she scowled.

He grimaced and they both got back to work.

Hours later she walked into her mother's office with Miller walking behind her. "Thank you, Miller," Abby said, dismissing him.

He nodded and closed the door behind him and Clarke sat across from her mother with a full plate of boar, potatoes and a roll that Harper helped made.

"How was your day?" Abby asked, cutting into her boar.

"Fine, how was yours?"

"Boring, Kane keeps bringing up Jaha and what we should do if he comes back from the City of Light."

"Mom, Bellamy told you this morning, I'm not going to run. I know that's why you brought me here, but treating me like a prisoner instead of your daughter, I might do it out of spite. Trust me, I'm just trying to figure out what happened to me."

"Bellamy also said it's a three week trek."

"I know where it is this time, it is more like a long twelve day trek in the right direction. I might extend it depending on how this goes."

"I'm not the enemy, Clarke."

"No, I am," Clarke said, pushing her plate away and leaned back in her chair with her arms crossed.

"You have to eat if you're going on such a long trek tomorrow."

"I'll be fine. I spent a month here without you and survived, then another year where I'm guessing no one had to tell me when to eat." Clarke thought about it and realized that it would be the preferable choice then it would hopefully been caused by a terrible fall that made her forget a year, oddly.

"What if there's nothing to remember, Clarke? What if you just ate some bad nuts and lost track of time before you found yourself here?"

"I know how to handle myself out there, someone had to have taken me during the night while I slept but I won't know until I get there."

"What if it's just a ploy to run away or to get you back to them, the grounders, Lexa?"

"Best case scenario, I have amnesia. Worse case, I was drugged." Clarke stood and grabbed the plate full of food. "Your people are starving out there, Chancellor, someone deserves this plate more than us," she stormed out of the room and Miller fell in line behind her as she carried her plate of food to the tables by the fire and found the one person who looked as if he could use a proper meal. "Hi," she said to the dirty, graying man twice her age, she's seen him somewhere and remembers him working harder than anyone else. "I'm Clarke," she smiled, sitting at the table across from him.

"I know who you are. What are you-?"

"I've noticed that you work twice as hard as the others in your field. I'd like to say thank you and offer you this food for your hard work and dedication."

"Thank you, but I'm okay, I'd rather someone else have it."

"What's your name?" she asked.

"Naz Chase. I was in Aero."

"Well, Naz, I can't force you to take it, so how about you help me pick someone who needs it."

He nods and looks around the fire at all the people watching them, "There's this little girl, her parents volunteered for the culling so she could live, Lindy."

"I will find her," Clarke told him and stood. "It was very nice meeting you, Naz."

"You as well, Miss. Griffin," he nodded and want back to his meal.

Clarke turned around and saw Bellamy standing a few tables away. She walked straight to him and his scowl. "You're giving away your rations? You need your strength for tomorrow."

Clarke ignored his statement, "I'm looking for a little girl, Lindy, her parents volunteered for the culling."

"I know her," Harper said next to them.

Clarke raised an eyebrow at Bellamy who gave her a look as to say_ don't ask, or I'll murder you._

"Where is she?" Bell asked before Clarke could get a word in.

"She usually sits with the other eight year olds, closer to the fire but she's not there today."

"She was in training this morning," Octavia added.

"Shit," Bellamy murmured. "Was that the last time people saw her? Six hours ago?"

Clarke places the plate of food on the table and uses Bellamy's shoulder to boost herself up on his chair, realizing that everyone was already paying attention to her. "Has anyone seen an eight year old girl named Lindy since lunch?"

"I saw her head towards medical," someone called out.

"I saw her by the fence," another shouted.

"She either went to Jackson or she snuck out," Bellamy whispered so only Clarke could hear. "We don't have parts of the fence electrified during the day, just manned for security."

"Are you telling me that an eight year old could have escaped without anyone knowing?" she whispered angrily at him.

"I'm saying there could have been a hole in my security plan. Clarke, if she's gone, it's on me."

"Damn right it is!" she spat at him and gets off the table, going to Miller a few feet back. "Round up some guards and search the camp for her, Bell and I are going to search the surrounding woods for her."

"You can't go out there with just Bellamy, your mother will kill me."

"Lincoln! Prepare for a search, you and Octavia are helping us find Lindy."

"We need rest for tomorrow," he countered.

"Two hours to find an eight year old, Lincoln. She's out there somewhere, scared and alone."

"Clarke, he's right, two hours to peach for someone who's been gone for six hours? It's not worth the man power."

"If we wait for morning it's going to be a recovery mission, she won't make it through the night."

"She could get lucky and find a bunker. Clarke, what you're trying to do is noble but unrealistic. If we go out there tonight, we won't leave for the lake for another two days if Abby lets us go at all. Prioritize."

"Her parents sacrificed their lives to save her, I can't just let her die, Bellamy."

"And I can't risk losing you forever!" he exploded and every face in the area twirled to them, watching for what could possibly come next.

Clarke stared at him dumbfounded, what could she possibly say to that? She know he meant that he couldn't lose her for the hundred, she knew it. But the horrified look on his face showed that he didn't intentionally make it seem like he was losing her, like his world would stop and he would cease to exist.

"Any off shift guards are to meet at the gate in a half hour to search for her. Groups of four. Everybody else here will search every inch of this camp for her," Kane said from the other side of the fire. "Bellamy, Clarke, Lincoln, Miller, Michaelson, and Becker are exempt due to their mission tomorrow. Everybody move!"

Clarke took a stiffed step back away from Bellamy before she turned, heading for the holding cell.

"Clarke," Bellamy said a minute after Miller locked her in the cell.

Clarke laid on the bed facing the wall, she didn't want to talk about what just happened.

"Damn it, Miller, unlock the door."

"She doesn't want to be bothered, Blake."

"Clarke," he called again.

It hurt her to ignore him, he's become her best friend in a way, and he's always there in the hard times to help her make the tough decisions. She can't lose that, she needs him but she's never allowed herself to think about him as more than that because she didn't want to ruin their friendship. She definitely doesn't want to talk about it the night before they leave for a month.

"Clarke, please."

"Bell," Miller said softly. "Let her sleep. We have along hike starting tomorrow, you should sleep too."

"I still want to talk about this," he said to Clarke.

She heard his footfalls leaving and she rolled onto her back and sighed, "Thank you, Miller."

"I sent Roosevelt to find Raven. She should be here soon."

"And you'll give us space?"

"Clarke?" the familiar female voice called and arrived at the cell.

As Clarke sat up, Miller unlocked the door and gave the two girls some privacy.

"Are you okay? The way Roosevelt told me it sounded urgent," Raven asked.

"Have you ever heard Bellamy talk like that?" Clarke asked quietly.

"Only about Octavia."

"That's what I thought. Good, he thinks of me as a sister. That's good, right?"

"Do you want him to see you as a sister?" she asked.

"I don't know, Raven. He and I are finally in a good place. I haven't let myself feel anything for anyone since Finn."

"I was right where you were when Wick broke through it all and it's been a year. You never know what's going to break you, Clarke. The only downside is that you're both so damned stubborn and thickheaded."

"Oh, that's what's going to be our demise? Stubbornness. Makes sense, we do refuse to die."

Raven scoffed, "The grounders must hats that."

"Ask Lincoln and Octavia."

Raven laughed, they both loved the couple and thought it hilarious that they've both given so much to each other and given up parts of themselves to help them be who they are. The two people they love who are fiercely independent and different but at the same time they desperately need each other.

"You know," Raven started and Clarke instantly had a bad feeling about it. "You and Bellamy are a lot like them."

Clarke sighed, seeing what she's referring to but hating that she was right. "I'm sorry that I'm leaving again."

"You need to figure it out, I understand."

"I just wish some people would see it that way."

"Your mom?" Raven guessed.

"And other whispers."

"Look, Clarke, I know that what Bellamy said was unexpected but he's right. We can't lose you, you are why we're all alive and here. Every decision you made last year was to protect the people that you love. All of us."

Clarke's eyes started to swell, she couldn't take this much forgiveness at once. Tears quickly fell down her face and Raven pulled her into a tight hug as they heard some shuffling farther down the hall and footsteps growing closer. And sees Bellamy frozen in the middle of the hall almost out of sight but Clarke knew his stance too well.

"I did so many bad things, I don't deserve forgiveness."

"There is nothing to forgive, Clarke, you're our savior."

"I don't feel like one," she grimaced, getting control over the sobs and tears.

Raven pulled away, "I don't think that there is anyone in history that felt like a savior when they are one."

"I think Caesar had a pretty big ego," Clarke said looking past Raven at Bellamy who hasn't moved since seeing Raven in the cell.

"I think you've been spending too much time with Bellamy."

"About to spend a month with him, three other guys and Becker."

"We have walkies now, if you want one to find out about Lindy, they have a five mile range. Hopefully we find her that quickly."

"I appreciate it but I think you guys would have a better use for it here."

"Raven," Bellamy said from his post. "Clarke needs sleep, we'll come say goodbye in the morning."

Raven nods and looks back at Clarke before getting up and walking out of the holding cell and past him as he began walking into the cell. "What are you doing here?"

"Well, all the guards are on a man hunt and Miller needs sleep before tomorrow and you didn't run away last night in my tent so, I figured we could do the same, just in a more secure format."

"You're trying to get my mother to hate you and barely an hour after professing your love for me."

He chuckled softly, "We make a good team, Clarke. We balance each other. That's how I meant it."

"It's okay, you're my best friend too, Bellamy."

"So, sleep?"

Clarke nodded and laid down on the bed as Bellamy closed the door over, making sure not to lock it. She watched him as he stepped more into the small cell and deposited his jacket on the chair, just on top of hers and his boots against the opposite wall from the bed. He sat on the edge of the bed and rolled his shoulders trying to defuse the tension in his muscles before resting the few hours he's allotted. Looking back, down at Clarke, who was watching him, he laid down on his back next to her, barely fitting his whole body onto the small cot and turned on his side facing Clarke.

Just because he's going to sleep doesn't mean he's not going to keep his eyes on her.


	6. Chapter 6 Bellamy

Bellamy woke up with his face nuzzled in Clarke's soft blonde hair and pins and needles in his arm. Looking over her he saw their fingers intertwined. He hated to disturb her but he can't not have an arm while they're out in the forest for the next month or so, so he gently attempted to move her body off of his arm when she moaned and it hit him right in his groin, thickening the erection that pressed against her back.

He then realized, while pulling her closer in reflex, that his other hand was inside her pants, holding her to him _there_ through her panties. _What kind of situation have I put myself in? _He silently questioned as he pulled every inch of his body from hers and rolled over.

Once he regained feeling in his arm, he fell back asleep until he heard someone clear their throat, hopefully hours later.

He looked into the hall and Kane was standing there with his hands on his hips. "What are you doing?"

"I was sleeping," Bellamy whispered, hoping not to wake Princess up.

"We found Lindy twenty minutes ago down a ravine, Abby and Jackson are taking care of her right now. Nasty fall."

"I'll let Clarke know when she wakes up. Thank you, Kane."

Kane nods, "You should go pack your bag, you guys are leaving soon."

"You're going to keep an eye on her?" Bellamy asked the council member skeptically.

"Yes."

Bellamy sat up and pulled his shoes to him and laced then up his feet before standing and grabbing his jacket. When he got to the door, he turned back to watch Clarke for a moment before walking out and closing the door behind him. "Not a word of this to Abby, Kane, please."

"I'd appreciate an excuse but I know it can wait. Go pack and explain to me at breakfast," Kane orders and Bellamy turns and walks down the hall and out to the rest of camp and into his tent to charge and pack for the long journey.

He heard the flap open just before he was shoved. Hard and to the ground. It didn't help that he was bent over to put clothes and supplies in his pack. "What the—" he turned around and saw Octavia looking angrier than he's ever seen her.

"You're taking Lincoln with you to protect the princess?" Octavia spat.

"Abby made the list of people."

"I want in."

"Take it up with Abby, she's currently in surgery. I'm just following orders"

"When did you become a mere foot soldier?" Octavia scoffed and stormed out of his tent.

"I'm a council member!" he called after her and he didn't even believe himself.

"I got some medical supplies and saw Lindy," he heard behind him a minute later.

"Good, I'm glad you saw her, you were really concerned last night."

She didn't say anything so he turned around and looked at her, she was worried about something. "What's wrong?"

"I had a strange dream last night," she grimaced.

"Concerning?"

"I don't know, it's probably nothing. Don't worry about it, Bell."

He grimaced and let it slide this time, he knows she'll tell him when she feels like it. He may hate it but he knows her well enough to that she will tell him, it's another reason why they're good for each other, the forty-seven call them Mom and Dad after all.

"What time are we leaving?"

"Where's your pack?" he asked, not having a there answer for her question.

She pulls the pack from her shoulder and holds it out for him to take. He opens it and pulled it open grabbing the clothes out of it and placing them into his. "What are you doing?" she growled, like she had the right to be annoyed.

"Get more medical supplies, Michaelson has never been out for this long of a trek."

"We should ditch him and Becker, get rid of the dead weight," she said, something he's already considered.

"Only if they get hurt badly enough that they can't continue. Just be grateful that your mom let us bring two of our own people so we're four against two."

"That's a good point," she said, she's become less argumentative which is beginning to concern him. "I'll meet you at the gate in ten minutes?"

"Yeah, if you see any of the others let them know."

"Thank you, Bellamy. For having my back about this."

"I know when to pick my battles with you, Princess."

She grabbed her pack from him and walked out of his tent and he waited a moment before leaving and heading to Monty's tent. "Where's Jasper?"

"Good morning, Bellamy. How'd Clarke sleep?" Monty smirked.

"Jasper," Bellamy demanded.

"He's usually with Octavia by now. Though she's saying goodbye to Lincoln so I doubt he's witnessing that, try the punching bag, it is where he goes to let off steam and there's a lot," Monty grimaced.

"Thanks."

"Don't let Miller die."

"Only if you hold the fort down for me," Bellamy said, not knowing who else to trust, but knowing that he's also haunted by what they did at Mount Weather. That type of thing doesn't just leave a person.

"Sure thing, just come back for it."

"I can't leave you here to run this place forever, everyone would be left in a drunken, drugged stupor."

"They wish!" Monty smirked and Bellamy left, going to find Jasper.

Walking over to punching bag, Bellamy's recognized the scrawny, yet bulking up boy, determined to take down whatever came at him. "Jasper!" he called from a safe distance.

The boy turned, ready to fight whomever interrupted him. "Bellamy, what's up?"

"Kane is making the guard rotations while I'm gone, I asked him to have you replace Miller while we're gone. Have people take you more seriously with this new attitude."

"I'm not sure."

"You've been determined, working harder than anyone else here to prove that you're worth something. This will aid that."

"Okay, but that means I can't drink Monty's Moonshine."

Bellamy scoffed. "You have three hours after shift unless you have the next day off. It's the eight hours before your shift that you can't drink."

"Got it."

"Kane will show you the ropes when you start tomorrow and I have to go right now. Good luck, Jas."

"You too."

They've been walking for three hours and Bellamy felt like they made no progress. Everybody was annoyed and Clarke kept pointing things out that she noticed a year ago. Which weren't very helpful at all, because where she slept her first night doesn't help them in the middle of the day. And if she slept two hours from camp, why didn't she just wait until the morning to get a full day's distance between them.

"And this is where…"

"Clarke," Bellamy grumbled, seeing Miller roll his eyes and Lincoln's head drop. "I'm glad you remember, but we don't need to know everything you remember."

"This is where I was attacked by grounders," she said just as an arrow flew past his head.

_Shit_, Bellamy thought, ducking down, pulling the resilient Clarke with him before turning his riffle to where the arrow came from.

"Bellamy," Lincoln called. "It's friendly fire."

"They aimed at my head, I don't know what friendly means to you, but—"

"He's right, Bellamy, we know them."

"I will kill Lexa if I see her."

Clarke smirks, "It's not Lexa."

"Who have we befriended that haven't betrayed us?"

"They're not loyal to the commander, they stick to themselves until someone is of a true threat to their village. And since the alliance against Mount Weather, they've been on alert, warning people that they're armed and will retaliate," Lincoln told him.

"So, if we just walk through without shooting anything or raising our weapons, we'll get by?"

"Yes, they will send arrows at the people who walk to closely so stay on your toes."

"Clarke?"

"I actually met them, stayed a few days. They're interesting until you witness them fornicating with a horse, that's when I had to leave."

"What, animals don't turn you on, Clarke?" Bellamy inquired.

"Not a current turn on," she said, her eyes twinkling. It's currently his favorite look of hers, he knows she's fully with him. It's hard to fake a joke when you're guilt tripping yourself.

"Lincoln, take point. Everyone fall in line behind him, Clarke and I will go last. Make every step be in line with the person's in front of you. Lincoln knows what he's doing."

Twenty minutes later Lincoln gave the all dear and everyone started walking haphazardly again.

"They're loud," Miller said, taking up the rear.

"Michaelson has never been this far away from camp and Becker was lost for a week alone. He's nervous and she's frightened.

"Weren't we all? We all controlled it."

"I didn't, "Clarke chimed in. "Anya taught me after we escarped Mount Weather."

"So something good came from them after all."

"Bellamy, your sister loves Lincoln, which _is_ a good thing."

"I know, Princess. You should head up there, keep us on course."

The look in her eyes, he's seen it before when she witnessed Finn shooting the grounder villagers to try and find her.

"I'm right back here, Clarke. I won't let you get hurt again."

He watched her soak in his words before giving him a quick, weak smile and heading up to the front with Lincoln. Bellamy watched every step that she took.

"She's changed," Miller said.

"She's worried she made the wrong decision last year when she left. Everything she's done since being back has been over thought so she's completely sure it's the right thing."

"You are so blind when she's involved, what happened to the guy willing to kill her to get her bracelet off?"

_Murphy and his big mouth_, Bellamy grimaced. "That was then, Nathan, her wristband is off now and the ark is here. Were safe for the time being so why not help the one person who's done everything in her power to save us all, even ignore all her morals. That girl needs our help to save herself."

Miller nodded and Bellamy didn't know whether it was because he understood or he knew better than to argue the point with him.

"You know, when we were inside Mount Weather, we were all worried about if she did actually escape or if they killed her and tried about it. We did what we had to in order to survive. We made poor choices but they were our only options. We know what we did, we know it was wrong but it was either that or have them kill us."

"Who we are, and who we need to be to survive are very different things."

"Yeah, well, sometimes."

"True, Finn wasn't survival. No one can take that pain away from her."

"But you'll try," he said like it was something no one know.

"Nathan, if you don't watch what you say, I will rip your tongue out," Bellamy warned and walked ahead of him to Becker and Michaelson.


	7. Chapter 7 Clarke

**Okay, so I haven't been writing so much here and I'm blaming Christmas. Every year my family gives me journals, a lot of journals and for some reason whenever I get a journal, it sparks a story that I am compelled to write and it takes over my conscious and I have to start writing it. It typically simmers after three to four chapters when I decide that it'd be better as a screenplay, begging the question as to why i don't start it as a screenplay... anyway, here's hoping that this is somewhat decent, I tend to not read over what I've written so it probably explains a lot. Happy reading and please Review! - JSul**

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**_Three Days Later _**

Clarke woke up shaking, something holding her face steady, shushing noises being made close to her ear. She calmed down when she heard Bellamy say her name.

"I'm here, you're okay," he tells her as she tries to control her breathing. "Do you want to tell me what that was about?"

"Finn," she whispered softly, a tear escaping her eye and ran down her cheek. "I didn't do anything to help him, I watched with Raven as they tortured him."

Bellamy stroked her cheek with his thumb, brushing the year from her face, "You saved him. You know you gave him a better end than he would have gotten."

"I know, it just felt so real."

"I know, I wish I could take it away from you but I can't. It's like trying to prevent Octavia from leaving the drop ship, it's just not possible no matter how hard I may try."

"I think I took you for granted back then."

"No, you were just trying to figure out the right thing to do for our people. How to save them, I understand."

Clarke nods, she knows that everything she did was to save the forty seven in Mount Weather, she knows that everything she did was with good reason but she killed more people than she saved. Two hundred and fifty people to her forty five. How is that justified? Because they'd kill all her friends? It still isn't the right thing no matter how much everyone tries to convince her.

"Clarke," he whispered, pulling her out of her head again. "Please stop leaving me."

She looked into his eyes and sighed, "I wish I could promise you that, but I can't, everywhere I look, I can see their faces. I try to ignore them as much as I can but sometimes they seep through."

"We can't protect everyone," he murmured.

Clarke curled in closer to him and he wrapped his free arm under her and she dropped her head onto his arm. "I'm just…"

"I know," he told her and she felt safe for a while she knew that he would do everything he could to keep everyone left from the forty seven safe, including her but sometimes she feels as though nothing could help her, not even him.

She closed her eyes after a few minutes of silence to try and sleep. She felt a light pressure against her forehead before feeling the soft kiss. He sighed and rested his head back on his pack.

She woke up and Bellamy was gone, four days in a row. She hopes it doesn't become a habit, she liked waking up next to him that first morning. She felt warm and safe, not abandoned.

She sat up and reached into his pack, pulling one of her shirts out and changed before stepping out of the tent.

She saw Miller at the fire, cooking some leftover meat from the deer they caught the night before. "Morning," she said, sitting on a log close to him.

"You okay? Heard you scream last night."

"Just another Finn nightmare, not the worst I've had."

"You saved him from a terrible fate."

"Thank you, Bellamy," she scoffed. She's sick of everyone telling her she did good. She's a murderer, a mass murderer, she doesn't deserve forgiveness.

"Clarke," he said, holding a piece of deer meat out to her. What's wrong with her? She never ignored people before, what is happening?

She grabs the stick from him. "Thanks," she said giving him a tight smile.

"Are you okay?" he pushed and Bellamy stepped into the small circle with his hair wet. He opened his mouth as though to say something but held back.

"I'm good, Miller, thanks."

Bellamy stepped closer to the fire and pulled a piece of meat out of the fire and took a seat on the other side of Miller, avoiding looking at Clarke.

"So we're going to cross a river and a ravine today," she told them, remembering her path, she didn't tell them about Mynk, Bellamy would freak out about trusting a Grounder so soon. She didn't have a choice, when she left, he followed close behind and she didn't realize until she heard him trip in the river behind her.

_He was a good kid_, she thought wondering what happened to him. "Morning," she said to Bellamy and he took a bite of the venison.

_Okay_, she thought, taking a bite of her own breakfast.

Becker chimed out of her tent and groaned. "How did you guys do that every day? That was the worst sleep I've had."

"Just wait a few more days and you won't be able to move," Miller smirked and pulled out his own venison from the fire.

"Why are we on this mission then? We're going to die before we even get there."

Michaelson climbs out of the tent that Becker just climbed out of. "God, that was painful."

Clarke smirked, _poor little Sky People, they don't know how to survive off the land. We should leave them behind._

She looked over at Bellamy to see if he thought the same thing but he was unreadable. He just sat there and ate his breakfast like it was any other day.

She was annoyed, so much so that she couldn't eat so she threw her breakfast back into the fire and stormed back to the tent and pulled all their belongings out before she folded up the tent and…

"What the hell are you doing?" Bellamy exclaimed, grabbing her wrist.

"So now you'll talk to me. I'm leaving, you all can follow if you must."

"Clarke, I needed to think. Last night was a lot to take in, okay? You have nightmares of Finn for God's sake."

"You think it's just Finn? Bellamy, it's you," her voice cracked. She took a moment before she continued. "And Raven, and Octavia. Every one of the hundred. Anya, Lincoln, Nyko, Maya. Every name I've learned since being here. Everyone who's died, everyone who's sacrificed something for our cause, I have nightmares of them all. But it's you, Octavia, Raven and Finn who get to me more. The people who have fought by my side through everything, people who have seen me do the worst and still believe in me."

The look on Bellamy's face was way too full of emotion to read. After a moment, she turned away and tried folding the tent one handed when Bellamy grabbed her other wrist, stopping her completely. "Clarke," he murmured.

"Don't stop me, the sooner I get there, the sooner I can figure out what I've done."

"Give us ten minutes, Lincoln went to get water, they're going to pack up and we'll go."

"I don't care about them, I just want you to come with me."

"Your mother will kill us."

"Maybe you, but not me."

"I'm sorry, Princess, I wasn't aware that my life was that expendable."

"You're not," she said firmly.

The smirk that grew over Bellamy's face was cocky. Clarke tried to punch him but her hands were still restrained by his and her breath caught as she looked up into his eyes.

"You're not expendable," she whispered again.

"But how important am I? You've thrown me to the wolves so many times, I can't even count."

"You're too stubborn to die, I learned that fairly quickly."

"I have something to live for."

"Octavia."

"No, making sure all your plans don't get us all killed," he chuckled.

"I'm not going to kill us all."

"You sacrificed me, willingly sent me into Mount Weather."

"It haunts me every day," her eyes leave his, she felt ashamed of everything she's done. All the killing, it's overwhelming.

Bellamy cupped her cheek as he brought her eyes back to look into his. "I need you to stop leaving me."

"I can't stop thinking about them."

"I know."

"No," she shook her head. "You don't. Everyone who died, their lives are all on me."

"I pulled that lever too."

"No, Bellamy, I had Monty write the code, I initiated everything. I'm not good for—"

Bellamy crashed his lips down onto hers, he kept kissing her until she let go and kissed him back before pushing him away just as quickly. "You are everything we need," he murmured against her cheek before pulling away from her completely. "Everyone, start packing. We leave in ten minutes!"

They looked over at the two of them, Lincoln stepping out from the bushes into the clearing. "Why do I feel like I just missed something?" he grimaced.

"I think we all did," Miller grumbled as Clarke sighed in relief.

She doesn't know how but the safest she's felt in a long time, in Bellamy's embrace, suddenly didn't feel so safe anymore.

There was a sudden shift in the ground and they all collapsed to the ground before looking up into the sky to see the smoke rising from the south.

"Camp Jaha," Becker said in disbelief.

"If you want to go back, go back. I'm moving forward," Clarke said sternly.

"I'm going back," Michaelson said and Becker agreed.

"Clarke, those are our people," Bellamy grimaced.

"We don't know that, we've been gone three days. That looks maybe ten miles. We could do it in an hour. It can't be camp."

"Then let's put their minds at ease and waste two hours back tracking. You know that I hate this idea but we need them, just in case grounders attack. More people, more targets."

Clarke rolled her eyes, "Fine, let's make these idiots happy and go the wrong way."

She started heading towards the smoke cloud that was dispersing.

Bellamy stopped her again, it's becoming an annoying habit. "Wait for us. Look, I know you've gotten used to doing things on your own but there are five other people here. Be patient."

Once they were finally on their way to the explosion, Becker tripped three times and Clarke wished she were allowed a gun because she would have shot her right then and there.

"Clarke," she heard after a little over an hour, and realized they were so close to the explosion that they could smell the burning flesh. "Which tribe was this?"

"Jaiko!" Lincoln called, running into the charred ground.

"Lincoln," Miller called after him, running close behind.

"Rheond, they helped us at TonDC," she said breathless, she knew them, all of them. And they're dead. "Jaiko was a good warrior. He always followed orders."

"Lincoln knows him."

"He was Lincoln's second a few years ago. Then Lincoln was alienated because he thought differently about their methods. He believed that they don't have to face people into doing what they want, people can be rational."

"He's right."

"I tried to be the good guy and let them all live, I couldn't. Some people can't be rational."

"You were rational until you were pushed into ruthlessness."

Clarke rested her head on his shoulder, "Sometimes I wish I could see myself through your eyes."

"I wish you could all the time."

"Clarke," she heard behind them and she spun around to see the grounder teenager, covered in soot and blood.

"Jaiko!" she exclaimed hugging the boy. "Lincoln is in there looking for you."

"Mynk," he said into her ear before she pulled away.

"He was here?"

"He was searching for you, told everyone that he helped you cross the ravine and then you just disappeared. He tried searching for you, but he couldn't… we found him."

"We'll find him, are there any other survivors?"

"Commander and Indra were here, what if they were trying to kill the commander?" he asked Clarke, searching her face desperately for an answer.

"I don't…" she shook her head and looked to Bellamy for some form of reassurance. "We were over ten miles away, Jaiko, I don't know why this happened."

"I—I was out hunting and I heard the explosion before the wave of dirt came, where are my people?" the strong boy questioned with a glint in his eye telling her he was about to break.

"Who were you with?"

"They ran in, they… they went to search for survivors, how did this happen?"

"I don't… Mount Weather has missiles. They dropped the one on TonDC last year."

"Who would go back in there?" Bellamy pressed angrily.

He's right, who would willingly go in there knowing about all the rotting bodies inside? "Cage?"

"No, after we got back, Lincoln told us he shot Cage with the Reaper virus, he's dead by now."

"They don't die, Bellamy, they feed and get more shots."

"What happens if they don't get the shots?"

"I believe that it's a virus, so after it passes through their system, they become normal again, but they will never get over the taste of human flesh, they'll become their own cannibalistic tribe."

"Wingo," Jaiko said.

"Wingo?" Clarke asked shaking her head.

"Yeah, they're cannibals, just to the west a day or two away."

"A day or two? Mount Weather is a two day walk west of here, it has to be them," she turned to Bellamy but before he could say anything, Lincoln ran out and stood there, staring at Jaiko. "There's a team from camp that's almost here, if we don't want to be dragged back there, we should go."

"What about Becker and Michaelson?"

"Now you're worried about them?" Bellamy asked.

"You're the one that keeps saying that we're better as a larger group, more targets."

"Can we go?" Miller asked. "There are no survivors." He looks at Jaiko, "Okay, maybe one survivor."

"Let's go," Bellamy ordered.

A few hours later they crossed over the river and coming up quickly on the ravine.

"It's a mile up," Clarke and Jaiko said together.

Lincoln looked back in suspicion before turning back around and pushed on, ahead of the rest of them.

"What happened between you two?" Clarke asked Jaiko.

"I turned him in, our people turned their back on him because of me."

"Oh," she said looking back at Bellamy and knew that it was exactly what they did to Murphy.

"I told them his beliefs and that I thought that it could be something we should try but they turned it down, told me that I'm Nyko's second and all but exiled Lincoln."

"That wasn't all your fault, they just didn't understand that people can do the right thing just because you ask. You should apologize."

"No, it's not my fault they exiled him," Jaiko said before Bellamy cut in.

"You're the one who told your tribe about his beliefs. You're the only one who can fix it."

"I can hear you!" Lincoln exclaimed from the front. "Jaiko, you only did what they asked, I know."

Jaiko sighed before heading up to the front to speak with Lincoln in hushed tones.

"You met him while you were away?" Bellamy asked, watching Lincoln and Jaiko.

"No," Clarke sighed. "I met him while planning the attack at Mount Weather with Lexa."

"Lexa, right," he said annoyed with a scowl.

"Bellamy, don't be like that, I can't help the past."

"You should have come to me."

"You were already inside Mount Weather, you weren't exactly accessible," she countered sternly, how could he think that she could just drop everything and follow him into Mount Weather just to ask what he would do. Then again he never would have trusted the grounders, not like she did.

"I got the communications back up, you could have contacted me."

"I don't want to fight about what we could have done instead, it's not going to change anything now."

"I know, I just hate how everything went down and I had no control over any of it."

"I barely had control, Bell, it's like everything that I tried backfired."

"You two always worked better together, it's most likely why it didn't work," Miller said, catching up to them.

Clarke groaned and stormed off to the front where she spoke with Jaiko and Lincoln.

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**Hey, back again, please Review, we'd appreciate some feedback.**

**-BBYJ**


	8. Chapter 8 Octavia

**This is a filler... for the most part... Octavia's angry and OMG I'm so obsessed with all the interviews being released online and they're driving me crazy. I can't wait until the 21st!**

**Happy reading, and please, please send in reviews... if they're helpful or inquizitive, I'll respond here!**

**Kisses, BBYJ**

* * *

Octavia was pissed, nobody was listening to her, she's trying to train the recruits and they aren't listening to her due to the fact that the three male trainers left four days ago and they don't respect her.

"Octavia," she heard behind her and she wanted to explode.

"What?"

"Okay, don't bite my head off, I'm your friend," Raven said.

"Then what do you want?"

"Miller checked in."

"Miller has a radio? Why wasn't I informed?"

"You just were," Raven smiled jokingly.

"Does the Chancellor know?"

"Just me, now you."

Octavia thought about that for a moment, Abby Griffin had no idea that there was a way to contact her daughter who just came back into everybody's life here and Abby Griffin, the most level-headed woman she's ever met and that has just jumped off the deep end because of her daughter's return and quick departure.

"What did he say?"

"They turned back to the explosion site before continuing on."

"They turned back? Bellamy was so determined, they wouldn't turn around unless princess wanted to. And Princess is determined to find out what happened to her, she wouldn't just turn around if she didn't know for certain that there was something they needed."

"You're paranoid and speculating, Lincoln would say something like—"

"No, don't bring him up like it's nothing and something you can duplicate. Lincoln would tell me something only he could think of, not what you're _speculating_ he'd say!" Octavia spat, letting her emotions getting the better of her and Indra's graining voice telling her better, grinding it into his head. But the grounder warrior was gone, somewhere Octavia couldn't find her. Good thing too, because Octavia often thought of killing the woman.

Raven grimaced. "I had Finn ripped away from me, Octavia. My only family. You have Bellamy and Lincoln and I hope you consider me a part of your family too, but they are out there protecting the one person whom the grounders considered to truly be our _Heda_. They are doing everything they can to keep her alive so she can protect her again."

Octavia zoned out until she heard that word, that one Grounder word that everyone was crazy over, she hated it. "You really shouldn't use their terms, it's creepy."

"Yet you can?"

"I had no home, Raven, this is the one place that I be me without hiding in anyway. Lincoln is my home, I am a grounder."

"Well, glad to know that you've calmed down, but I'm going to work on the truck. I was told it was supposed to hum and it's growling," she grimaced. "_Grrr,_" she smirked before walking out of the tiny little room, leaving Octavia to her angry, depressing, and homicidal thoughts.

"They should have floated me, then I wouldn't have to deal with all this _drama!_" she exclaimed storming out of the room and down the hall and threw the door open.

"We're in a meeting," Abby and Kane said in unison.

"Miller has a radio and talked to Raven earlier, she told me not to tell you but I thought you'd like to know that. I'm going to get back to training the recruits. All by myself. Because you sent the other four trainers into the woods. To protect your daughter."

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**Oh, um, I've barely started Chapter Nine so here's hoping I have it posted by the time -Wanheda: Part 1- premieres.**

**Anyone know what the Wan part of Wanheda means? It's been driving me crazy and I would totally feel idiotic if it's been mentioned in Seasons 1 and/or 2.**

**PLEASE aid me if possible, it can even be a guess as to the meaning!**

**HELP ME!**

**-BBYJ**


	9. Chapter 9 Bellamy

**Tristonwife62915: We've gotten all of your reviews and I'm sorry that I'm just getting to replying. When I received the email notification of your latest, I was writing this first scene at work and I dropped everything and forwarded the email to JSul, who's birthday was Jan 13th when I was writing, she has to review when she's sober. She is NOT an alcoholic, she's just celebrating her birthday!**

**Rokuchuchu: THANK YOU! You have no idea how excited we are! The things we have planned... Ugh! I want to share!**

**EmLouD: are you still around?**

**Guest: Thank you! I'm a huge Bellarke supporter so more Bellarke to come! Thank you for Wanheda!**

**RoamingRags: if all that is true about Wanheda... IDK, I'm so baffled and overwhelmed, ugh!**

**weallfindlove: much appreciated, here's some more, stick around! :)**

**Thank you for the reviews! JSul and I saw each other on the 17th and worked on this a ****_lot_**** between the glasses of wine, rum, and whiskey (birthday celebration, JSul is now 22!) and fits of laughter, not to mention my best guy friend, Jesse's review of my own drunk Unity Day rewrite (all Bellarke). Let's just say he wound up like Bellamy at the beginning of Unity Day's second chapter.**

**And yes, I'm trying to rope you into another story but its going to be a quick two chapter smut piece unless JSul likes it sober.**

**XOXO BBYJ**

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Bellamy watched as Clarke spoke with Jaiko and Lincoln. God, she's insufferable!

"What happened between you two? You were fine until today," Miller said, sitting next to Bellamy at the fire.

They watched Lincoln, Clarke and Jaiko talking avidly about whatever in their grounder language, which Bellamy truly hated. "I kissed her."

"What?"

"Shh! Yeah. I've been keeping my distance since she's got back but this morning… I don't know what came over me, I just did it. It was good, decent, but she's been distant since."

"You two have been bunking together since she's gotten back and you also never woke up with her."

"She needs more sleep, we don't know what they put her through," Bellamy said, knowing that it was a lame excuse before he even said it.

"Really?"

"Ugh, I know, but I can't act like it was a bigger deal to me than it was to her. I didn't even know I cared until I watched her walk away last year."

"This has been since Mount Weather?"

"Don't make it a big deal, okay? It's probably nothing, she hasn't even given me the time of day since."

"Really? Because she keeps glancing over here and I know I'm not imagining that."

Bellamy was tempted to roll his eyes but instead he looked over at the three shadows on the other side of the fire and the pretty little blonde that he's missed so much was looking right back at him but quickly grimaced and looked away. "And she hates me now."

"She let you see her naked, she may fully be aware of herself, but she should know better than to go full birthday in front of a guy, just to hopefully tease him less than twenty four hours after being incarcerated."

"More like two hours," Bellamy grimaced watching Clarke walk over to their tent.

"Are you going to go and talk to her?" Miller asked following his gaze to the blonde walking across their camp.

Bellamy didn't know if it was because he was exhausted or because he was fully aware of his feelings that he'd never admit until he knew her feelings that are hopefully the same.

"I'm going to keep watch, go sleep," Miller smirked.

"I'm awake."

"Blake, go. You're just going to avidly watch the tent before finally conceding and secretly hoping that she's asleep. So instead of driving us crazy, go in there and obsess over her where you can actually see her in person."

"I don't obsess, I worry and rightfully so, she was willing to kill Becker because she tripped on the way to Rheond."

"She told you?" Miller grimaced, knowing how secretive Clarke is and forgetting how intuitive Bellamy is to her.

"It's what's changed inside her," he sighed, hating the fact. "She thinks killing is an acceptable alternative."

"Then go in there and be Bellamy, counter act her. Be her moral compass."

"Moral compass."

"Indulge me. Now go."

Bellamy rolled his eyes at him and stood, walking over to the tent and looked over at Lincoln and nodded at him before lifting the flap and climbed in.

"What are you doing?" he heard her ask and froze.

"I was planning on going to sleep."

"Not in here."

"Clarke—"

"No, Bellamy, not after today."

"Which part?"

"Hmm, ignoring Jaiko, agreeing to turn back to go to Rheond, ignoring me and—"

"Kissing you?"

She looked up at him in the dim light and he just knew that this was what it was all about. The kiss. "No, do whatever you want, but Bellamy, Jaiko just lost his people and you're treating him like a…"

"How they treated us? I didn't spear him in the chest or pick away at them while they hunt to survive like they did to us. All I did was let him talk to his mentor and friend in a language that I don't understand without nagging him for information after his friends and family were bombed," he sighed and knelt down. He hates arguing with her but sometimes she's just that frustrating and thickheaded that she needs to hear it, no matter how long it took. "What would have happened to him if we didn't turn back? Would he survive on his own? I know they can survive and live off the land, we're learning that quickly, but Clarke, would he be able to make it alone?"

"That's not the point!" she grumbled, getting more and more frustrated.

"No, the point is that we lost Becker and Michaelson on top of that, just like you wanted. I woke up this morning and walked with Lincoln to the river and cleaned off, I planned on being back before you woke up. I always do, but sometimes I just can't because you wake up earlier than I expected."

"You can't leave me to wake up alone and expect me to be okay with you kissing me!" she said louder than he preferred.

Bellamy knew what she meant and knew his attempt at getting her mind off Mount Weather that morning was half ass but it wasn't a half assed kiss. He put everything into that kiss whether he'd admit it or not. His feelings for Clarke are known all around Camp Jaha and unfortunately rather obvious but he doesn't want to let people know how deep the feelings run, it's not their business.

"Are you okay with me kissing you?" he finally asked softly, rather embarrassed that that was his response.

"Are you going to kiss anyone else?" she asked, knowing his serial tendencies.

He remembered the kiss she left on his cheek that day, simple yet heartbreaking thought he knew that it wasn't her intention. "I haven't done anything with anyone since you left."

She grimaced, "That's unhealthy."

"Funny," Bellamy smirked. "But I've only thought about you and what you were doing and if you were safe. I'd rather not have known that grounders took you in but I'm grateful for knowing that you were safe."

Her breath was ragged and she looked up at him pained. "You know I can't go back to camp after this."

"I know you're afraid of them, what they _aren't_ thinking about you that you think they are. But Clarke, they miss you, they like you and are glad that you brought their children back to them."

"By killing three hundred people in the process."

"That was worst case scenario and our backs were against the wall. We had no other choice."

"Jasper said he could have gotten to Cage and killed him and if we had just waited," she whispered.

"Your mother was on the table along with Raven, if we had waited any longer they wouldn't have been able to walk. We saved them."

The look in her eyes told him that she knew all that but he also knew that she's going to ignore it and do whatever she believes she can handle, which isn't being around the people who've forgiven her a long time ago.

"Wanheda," she whispered and Bellamy grimaced, knowing that _heda_ meant commander but he wasn't certain what _wanheda_ meant.

"What's that?"

"It's what they call me," she grimaced, looking at the ground. "They took me in and call me that behind my back. It's why I left Rheond, I couldn't listen to it anymore."

"What does it mean?" Bellamy asked, knowing it had to be bad.

"Commander of death," she murmured, slightly hoping he wouldn't hear.

The words felt like a stab in the gut. He hated them and their words, they're cruel and to say that where she could overhear isn't right, he was glad that Rheond was burnt to the ground or he'd do it himself. "Prove them wrong," he finally said and she looked up at him.

Clarke sighed and reached up, touching Bellamy's cheek. She pulled him closer, their faces inches apart. Bellamy waited, letting her have control. It killed him, the anticipation, the waiting for her to make her move. Her other hand grabbed the back of his neck, her cold fingers startled him, causing him to jump slightly. "Sorry," she smiled shyly.

Bellamy nodded and watched the blonde watching him. He wished he could freeze the moment, her beautiful blue eyes staring into his unwavering, knowing that in the depths behind them she's contemplating her next move.

Before he realized it, her lips were on his and her cold fingers buried themselves in his hair, pulling him closer with a chill slinking down his back.

He needed to touch her, keeping his distance all day killed him, she was like a drug. He needed her, his world was consumed with thoughts of her. How to keep her safe, how to keep her from running away. How he could "accidentally" brush his hand against hers or make her genuinely laugh or even crack a smile.

He grabbed her waist and she moaned into his mouth, opening up to him, matching the play of his tongue against hers. The lady slowness of the kiss, their exploration made Bellamy excited and...

Bellamy froze, he never had an issue with kissing or turning the kissing into more but it was different with Clarke. He respected her more, put her on a higher pedestal. She's been through too much to be treated like a notch on his belt.

"Sorry," Clarke said pulling away.

"No, don't ever be sorry for that! That was me, I don't want to treat you like you're any less than you are."

She smiled, "What am I?"

"A hard ass," Bellamy grimaced, hoping she'd laugh or something to appease the tension.

Her smirk was good enough for him to relax a little bit and sat all the way on the ground, kissing her forehead in the process. "I don't know about you but I am exhausted."

"We walked farther than usual today, we're almost there."

"How much farther?"

"Seven days like today, ten normal days like the last few," she sighed, laying down on the blanket.

"So roughly a week. Does Lincoln know about the lake?"

"No, Jaiko didn't either."

"Right. So you're leading as per usual," Bellamy smirked lying next to her.

"What is that supposed to mean?" she asked pretending to be offended.

"You always lead regardless if you know where you're going. You're always in charge."

"So, change it. Take charge of me," she whispered in a sweet and sultry tone causing Bellamy to groan inwardly, feeling her words in his groin. He shook his head at her and said, "You're going to be the death of me."

Her eyes darkened and looked away, her smile faded and she hardened and Bellamy realized what he said.

"I'm not going to die anytime soon, Princess. I'm going to fight and survive. Just so I can see you and have you yell at me whenever I do something stupid and reckless. I will never leave you."

"I just want to sleep, Bellamy," she said rolling over, giving him her back he decided that giving her the few inches of space they had in the tiny tent is the best choice.

"Bell," he heard quietly from outside, knowing it was Miller.

"What's going on?" he whispered back.

"Lincoln is taking tonight. You should tomorrow."

"I trust you in here with her. Lincoln and Jaiko can be in the other tent."

"You got it, should I be worried about the kid?"

"I don't think so, Clarke and Lincoln both vouch for him and their judgements are good enough for me."

"Okay, have a good night."

"You too, Nate."

* * *

**So sorry for the delay guys, when I went to BBYJ's house this weekend, we were eating cupcakes and drinking (seriously not promoting drinking or cupcake binging) and we were both really excited to show each other our side projects, aside from her Unity Day which I love and want more of! And we helped each other with those instead of working on this, but here it is finally! Happy reading and please, make critical reviews!**

**And holy crap, the SEASON 3 PREMIERE last night! I honestly had a feeling that Clarke's lover was going to be Richard Harmon's sister and I was right! I watched late and on the phone with BBYJ (she had to pick up her mother from the airport and got home around 9:30 so we started a half hour late) but had my tv set to the CW so hopefully it counted in the polls! And she bought it on iTunes this morning and we're both going to play it on later just to make sure we're doing our part in keeping the show going!**

**Kisses, JSul.**


	10. Chapter 10 Clarke

**Mmmm... don't hate me for this, I'm just letting y'all know that this chapter should be up by May 16 or 17, I'm so sorry for the hiatus but we've been really pissed about Season 3 but the finale is on Thursday and we're starting to accept where JRoth took the season... We are buckling down this weekend, we swear!**

**XOX JSull and BbyJ**

**Another update, I am so sorry, there's this scene that we just _CAN'T_ get through—but we swear it's totally worth it—and it should be up within the next few days. This weekend at the latest!**

**:* BbyJ**

**OKay everybody, here it is... Chapter 10, probably the most frustrating chapter we had, but I swear, there's more Bellarke than there was in the Season 3 finale last night. Ugh the hand holding and everything Murphy and the Kabby hug, Kane regrets everything he did and it was beautiful and glorious but I have a massive bruise on the back of my hand from holding back a yell every 2 seconds because all the angst and build up was too much for me, everything I wanted in the season finales rn though I didn't like where they took the season at all and I love how they set up season 4 though I'm also hoping that Ally was just showing Clarke the past in hopes that Clarke would do what she wanted. But it's Clarke and she does what she needs to in order to protect her people.**

**And end rant. Happy reading, JSull.**

* * *

Clarke rolled over and woke herself up when she rolled into a hard body next to her. She felt the sun on her face through the tent fabric before opening her eyes and found a mess of curly black hair in her face. Bellamy, she sighed, glad to know he didn't wake up obnoxiously early and leave her alone, again.

Again she sighed and watched him sleep for a few minutes before feeling restless.

She sat up and didn't want to leave him but she couldn't stay, she needed to stand, to walk around. She crawled out of the tent slowly before she felt his hand around her wrist.

Clarke looked back at Bellamy and grimaced at his lazy smile. "You can leave me but I can't leave you?"

"No, just stay with me for a while," he grumbled and Clarke grumbled, laying back down next to him as he pulled her closer. Clarke laid there with her head on Bellamy's chest until they heard the rustling of leaves outside, and low voices letting them know that Miller and Jaiko were awake.

"We should go and get ready to leave."

"Clarke," he smirked.

"What?"

"Good morning," he smiled up at her.

Clarke grimaced, "I'm sorry, good morning."

"Now, what part of this journey are we getting to today?"

Clarke grimaced, she hated this part the first time and she's going to hate it even more the second time around. "The graveyard, then we're going to a bunker and you're all getting heavier jackets because you are all going to freeze in Ice Nation territory. Oh, and if any of you leave the camps that I choose, you're dead."

"We're dead?" Bellamy smirked.

"Yes, I befriended one of their scouts whose parents were taken by Mount Weather and thanked me for ending the torture. She allowed me to get through their territory and I think if we stop at her post for a brief hour, we won't be fighting them our whole way."

"An Ice Nation scout?"

"Niylah, yeah," Clarke blushed, remembering her time with Niylah, hoping Bellamy didn't notice.

"Niylah," Bellamy repeated with an edge and sat up. "We should go out and start packing."

Clarke nodded, she knew what he was thinking, she knows him. No amount of time apart would change that. She knows he doesn't fully trust her, he doesn't want her out of his sight, but he still cares for her, lets his guard down. It killed her to leave him last mon—year—but she had to. She couldn't look at their faces, barely can now but she mans up and does it because it has to be done. She missed his face, that scar above his lip…she's always wondered about it, the story there, it had to have happened on the Ark, he had it the day they landed.

They climbed out of the tent and Miller stared at them with a knowing smirk. "What does Miller know?" she whispered to Bellamy.

"You've been gone a year and he's my best friend, he knows everything."

Clarke nodded nervously and started packing up their tent. When she finished, she went over to the tent Lincoln and Jaiko stayed in last night and started packing that up and Jaiko came over.

"You okay?" he asked folding the tent, helping her.

"It's weird, I was so used to turning to Bellamy when I needed someone to back me up and then I didn't have him for five weeks and I know that I talked to myself hoping that I knew his responses when I barely knew him three months. I was gone a year and I don't remember it at all. What did I do? How can I be with him without knowing what I've done?"

"You do, somehow but you're protecting yourself, you did something you don't want to remember because we don't have the ability to alter minds."

"Well, that's reassuring. I could have hit my head and forgotten whatever it was but it's a year."

"You know, the harder you search for what you can't find, the less likely you'll find it," Jaiko said folding the tent into the back pack.

* * *

Four hours later they were in the middle of the graveyard and Jaiko and Lincoln were rushing through while Bellamy, Miller, and Clarke were behind, trying not to step on the bones.

"What happened here?" Miller asked.

"I think it was a battle but I can't be completely sure," Clarke said. They were in the middle of an open field with bones scattered about. She knows it's an Ice Nation warning, she's been here before, she knows what to expect.

The bunker is another hour from the graveyard and when they got there Clarke tried hiding her drawing on the back wall. All the faces she remembered from Mount Weather, she was paying tribute, a memorial to their genocide. She had no idea what Jasper was planning, she regretted not waiting a minute to let Jasper get to Cage, but she had no clue, she should have watched the video feed a little closer, seen what Jasper was doing. Maybe they could have prevented all this.

She thought about Jaiko's words, the harder you search for what you can't find, the less likely you'll find it. The young grounder had a point, if she kept digging through her mind to try and find the past year she's not going to find it, she should enjoy the journey to the lake that's in Azgeda territory. She should be excited about seeing Niylah and…Bellamy…

"Bellamy!" she called through the bunker, and Miller pointed to the back room where the mural was and she ran.

"How long?" he asked after a few minutes of silence, still staring at the mural.

"Three days."

"Three…Clarke," he grumbled.

"This is why I didn't want you in here, I knew you'd do this."

"You drew all of their faces, Clarke, why? Did you think it would help you? Please tell me that's the reason because if not… if it isn't, I'm more worried about your sanity than I was before."

It stung, Clarke admitted but she knew Bellamy, his venom is saved up for the people he cares about most, the people whose lives he can't imagine losing. Octavia, Miller, Raven, Monty, Kane, Clarke and Raven being at the top, the rest of the delinquents, as they've dubbed themselves and Clarke's mother, Dr. Abby Griffin. But those people also knew how to throw it right back at him. Clarke scoffed, knowing Bellamy all too well, "You're blindly following me through Azgeda territory, who's sanity is farther gone, Bellamy?"

"You painted a mural as a memorial!" he accused.

"It was a year ago, Bellamy!"

"Which is weeks to you, Clarke. You think you've been gone a few weeks, I thought you died. I thought you'd have come back in a month or two and you just didn't. I thought I lost my best friend. And it turns out I did. She has this huge secret that she doesn't even know!"

"Float you, Bellamy!"

"You wish, Princess," he spat back at her and she shoved him hard and he crashed into the mural and latched onto Clarke's wrist giving her this glare that scared the shit out of her. He's only ever given her that look once before, when he was hell bent on getting the wristband off her wrist that told her mother that she was alive and safe. Their first few days on the ground, her last days with Wells. Not that she was aware of that but it was the look that she's always gotten from Murphy. She didn't know what she's ever done to him aside being born The Princess.

"Bellamy, you're hurting me," she whimpered and glanced down at her wrist in his tight grasp through watery eyes but somehow the pain also sent a shockwave of euphoria through her body and stopped at her core.

His eyes followed her gaze and loosened his grip. "Princess," he sighed, almost pleading.

"No, Bellamy," she choked. "You can't have it both ways. It's either endearing or spiteful, you can't use it both ways," she cried, a tear escaping down her cheek.

"I—I'm sorry, Clarke." He looked into her eyes, gingerly lifting her chin to show her how sincere he was.

"We can't push me to remember what happened Bellamy," she stated seriously. "I want to desperately but I have to stop trying to duplicate what I did last year, stop trying to force my memory back. It's not as important as being alive and here." Clarke the euphoria subsiding and she's missed the feeling, she needed it to stay, the last time was Finn before Mount Weather, before he… Clarke craved the feeling and Bellamy is her only option. That's real romantic Clarke, she told herself before adding, "With you."

"Clarke—?" Bellamy asked, confused and anxious.

"A little pain is worth a whole lot of pleasure," she smirked, pulling his face closer to hers.

Bellamy brought a large hand up to cup her delicate and sliced face. He saw the wheels churning behind her eyes, it seems as though they never stop no matter how hard she tried. She leaned her forehead against his and they stayed like that for a few minutes, thinking the things that they couldn't seem to speak. They pushed their wants and needs into each other's heads and Clarke slowly tilted her lips up to him.

Their lips met once, slight and hesitant and nervous. They broke the kiss and wrapped their arms around each other, each movement in sync, like they always were. He held her, making sure not to hurt her because that will never be his intention with Clarke, she knows that and was grateful but she needed him.

They kiss again, lips colliding frantic and tongues twist and taste as Bellamy trapped her against the wall, pressing himself up against her. Bellamy tears the leather jacket off her shoulders, pushing it down her arms, forcing her to release him without relinquishing his hold on her lips before pushing her shirt off her shoulder and leaned in, biting roughly at her neck.

"God, Clarke," he growled as he nipped at her collarbone and Clarke groans, pulling his shirt up, trying to get it off of him, to feel the heat radiating from his body and he finally lets her and it drops to the floor somewhere behind him. She fists one hand in his hair to keep him close, pulled at his curls when he trailed his teeth across her jaw, back to her lips and she scratched her nails down his back. He managed to press closer, his hand still at her hip, keeping her anchored against the wall, his right slipping under her shirt, teasing her stomach at the button of her jeans. Her stomach fluttered at the angelic touch of his fingers and she pulls his hair hard with the smallest whimper passing through her lips.

"Relax, Princess, we're good." Bellamy pulled back, and hoisted her up, legs wrapping around his waist as he pressed her back against the wall. God, she can feel him hard and pulsing against her clit.

"Bellamy," she moans into his shoulder and bit down on the muscles there. She grabbed onto his bicep and dug her nails in, causing Bellamy to groan into her cleavage as he kissed down her neck to her breasts. She arched into his hot, solid body, shifting her hips, causing more friction and she whimpered, she needed him. "Fuck, Bell," she groaned again, feeling his muscles in his arms flex in need as he ground his hips into her and damn is it hot.

"Mm, Princess," Bellamy sighed, somehow managing to get even harder as they ground their hips into each other and he needed more, he reached behind her and grabbed her ass, grinding harder, fully knowing that there's a bed right behind him but afraid that moving her will make her change her mind. His lips crashed back down over hers and bit down hard, pulling on the dark curls, hard before kissing the sting away as Clarke groaned into his mouth. Clarke's fingers tugged on the hairs at the nape of his neck, holding his head steady as she slid her tongue between his lips and ground down harder and faster into his groin.

"I can't, Bell, I can't," she begged. "Please!"

He leans his full weight into her and presses her heavily into the wall. Bracing her on his thighs, he slides his left hand up to cup her tits. His thumb found her nipple through her bra and she whimpered at the feeling of it.

"Bellamy," she pleaded, but his mouth is back on her own, even as he loosened her legs from their hold on his hips and placed her back on the floor.

She knocked her head back against the wall and trails her hands down to tug at the hem of her shirt. He smirks, grazing his fingers against her hips, teasing her and she let out another whimper that shot straight down Bellamy's back to his cock. She groaned impatiently and yanked the shirt off over her head and Bellamy's fingertips ghosted over her ribs, avoiding the skin that craved his touch.

Clarke smirked as she unbuckled his belt, scratching at the skin under his waistband.

"Mmm," Bellamy yearned. He flicked his thumb over her bra-clad nipple and smirked at the noise Clarke released just before he bent down and kissed her again, he couldn't get enough of her lips. They're intoxicating. It's steamy and dirty and Clarke swooped her tongue into his mouth as she released the button of his pants, pushing him away to see the look on his face. His eyes were dark with lust, waiting for her to take control.

Clarke leaned down over Bellamy and kissed him chastely, sliding her hand down over his chest and abs and straight into his boxers. She wrapped her hand around him and made a small pump. His eyes grow dark as she touched him with tantalizing strokes, tracing her thumb around the head of his cock and smearing the precum at the tip. She released him and pulled the hem of his boxers down, Bellamy raised his hips to help.

Bellamy looked into Clarke's eyes with a feral stare. "My turn," he smirked and flipped them over, pressing a sweet kiss on Clarke's lips as he lifted her Ark-issued, too tight bra over her head as he kissed down her neck.

He kissed her again, open mouthed and messy and she moaned into it. He slid his hands up from her waist and grabbed at her tits, cupping them. He worked his thumbs over her nipples, flicking them hard and fast and completely perfect, forming the tight peaks. The feeling is rough and hot and lit up Clarke's body so that she gasped over and over against Bellamy's lips, barely able to kiss him back.

"I know that feels good." His cock falls against her pelvic bone, teasing her blonde patch of hair there and Clarke stroked it, rubbing it between her hand and the soft hairs and Bellamy breathed out her name into the nape of her neck.

He wondered what she tasted like it didn't dare push it . He usually would but he didn't feel for anyone like he did her, he never wondered about any other girl. He let go of one of her tits and forked his fingers into his hair. And exposed her neck pressing kisses and sucking on her sensitive skin getting that one spot that drives her insane while he trailed his other hand down over her ribs down to her hips, clutching her skin and the waistband of her panties.

"I want… Bell," Clarke gasped, she craved him, wanted him to touch her. Treat her like one of his conquests, another notch in his belt. She liked him, has since their heart to heart four months—sixteen months—ago in the middle of the words. There was some connection there when he said he wasn't a good guy and she reassured him that there are no good guys. He rubbed her the wrong way back then, somewhat blamed him for Wells's death when she knew it was Charlotte she even tried sparing the twelve year old's life. The girl's demons consumed her like Clarke's guilt did but Clarke didn't take the easy way out, she didn't kill herself though there were many chances, she even thought about it the night with Niylah. Before Niylah helped her lose her inhibitions and made her forget everything l, no matter how fleeting it was, Clarke still felt the fight within her. Her fight to live.

Clarke shook the memory out of her head, she's with Bellamy now. Bellamy Blake that has irritated her for months but had this intense connection with that was almost palpable. She tried so hard that first month to keep away from him, to not feel the draw she had to him. When she was taken by Mount Weather, the first thing she thought was if he was okay, if he made it out because if he was out there then he would do everything he could to save them and bring them home.

Home, Clarke though wondering what her meaning of the word was, him or her mother. She scoffed and Bellamy's kisses stopped at the noise. "I thought I turned your brain off," he grimaced, watching her intently.

"You did, I'm here," she smirked at him and tried pulling him back down to her lips but he was too strong a match for her.

"What were you thinking about?"

"Bell, come on. Don't," Clarke sighed but knew Bellamy wasn't going to give this up. This dynamic was new to them but they still somehow knew what the other was thinking.

"Then tell me, Clarke, because I was actually happy. For the first time since coming to Earth, I was happy because I was with you and you disappeared on me again." He shoved himself up and stood on the floor, finding his boxers and slipped them on.

Clarke grabbed his wrist and he shied away. "Bellamy," she pleaded, her voice strained as he glared down at her in her naked glory. She didn't feel a bit of shame or embarrassment because this was Bellamy. She cared for him so much, relied on him and knew that whatever decision she's made was the right one once he backed it. "I was…" Clarke sighed and licked her lips, tasting Bellamy on her, his salty sweat, the cherries he ate earlier that day. She smelled his musk, intoxicating her in her dazed state of everything Bellamy but she didn't notice when he put his undershirt back on.

"Bellamy, please, I… I was thinking about our first month here, how we were always at each other's throats, you wanted to cut my hand off for the damn wristband but then a few hours later you saved me from the trap as we tried to save Jasper—when we saved him. I was thinking about home and what it meant for me. I don't know, Bell," she stifled back a sob before she even knew they were there two tears fell down her cheeks.

Bellamy sat on the edge of the bed and wiped them away. "We are your home, Raven, Monty, Jasper, Octavia, Abby, Kane, Lincoln," he paused, and she saw his own wheels turning. "Me," he added softly.

"I—I know, I just thought that, out of all the places that I've lived, the Dropship is the one place I think of when I think of home. It's where I met you, where I got to know you, the real you, Bellamy, not the façade you hide behind with the others. I wish we could just go back there, you and me. Not fighting people, not worrying about everything and just live, hunt and farm and…" Clarke looked at the ground, not knowing what she was going to say next because it's a big declaration.

She wants to live with him, be with him, alone, everyday. She didn't care if he loved her, she needed her best friend, her biggest confidante. She needed Bellamy more than she'd ever thought to admit.

"We lost track of time, Clarke, it's nearly dusk," Bellamy said avoiding her eyes.

Clarke watched him as he stood, half dressed and frustrated before she climbed off the bed and pulled her panties back on, avoiding everything Bellamy Blake.

* * *

**OMG! I'm dying, JSull did the last half all by herself and though with a few revisions on my part, I believe she did a glorious job! Chapter 11 is in the works and idk if I should bring in a spoiler or just leave it be.**

**I'm choosing to leave it be. Now that I'm done torturing my angst ridden self, I'm going to go make Mac and cheese for dinner.**

**Kisses, BbyJ**


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